10/30/14

I know I'm not his first anything like he is to me. I know he's had so much more experience in this area of life. I know these things, and they terrify me, but they also comfort me. Out of all the girls he could choose. Out of all the girls he has been with, he chose me. He wants me. I've never had that before. It makes me feel special. It makes me happy. He makes me happy. I hope I make him happy too. We're on two different levels, that is true. We can't even tell anyone right now. That doesn't bother me much, but the chance of having someone find out before we even figure out what this whole thing is definitely scares me. And he says he's scared too. He says that this was not in his plan. And I have to agree. I didn't plan on any of this to happen. I was waiting to get out and then he showed up and that plan kind of just disappeared.

But we like each other. Probably more than we should. You shouldn't be able to miss someone you have seen just a few hours before. There are so many reasons that this relationship shouldn't work out. There are so many reasons we shouldn't even be together, but there is so much chemistry and electricity between us that it just doesn't seem like an option to stop now. And I don't want to either.

Yeah, it's scary. Maybe even terrifying. But he makes me feel so happy and lucky that I have him. I feel very safe with him and he's very respectful and sweet and caring. In the short time that we've been talking and getting to know each other and figuring out what this thing is he's become a part of my life. It's comforting to know that there is someone in the world who I can just talk to about anything and they'll actually care about what I'm saying.

I don't know where this might go, but we've talked and we both feel like there is a definite future for this relationship. We have each other. For as long as the other person wants them. The next step is going to be telling people in a few weeks. Which is terrifying, but also will be a huge relief. So many new things are happening in my life, but I couldn't be happier.

Love,
Natalie

10/6/14

I never understood why people smiled at their phones when they got a message until you came along. I've never been one to sit around smiling just because I thought of someones name. I've never known of these terrifying and amazing feelings until you came along. It's all so new and unknown and scary. But also exciting and making me so happy. It terrifies me that one person can make me feel all of these things at once. It doesn't seem like it should be possible for someone I barely know to have such a big affect on me. I don't know where this is all going to go. Maybe I don't want to. But I do know for now that our conversations that last for hours, and that I sometimes fall asleep during, have made the last few days so much better. They've made me happier. I also know that you are one of the only people in my life right now that I can talk to for hours and never run out of things to say. So for now I'm thankful for these things and if one day we are able to make this more than a friendship I'll be there. Fully and completely. Until then I'm just glad to have you in my life.

Love,
Me

For You...Whenever You Appear

You are my favorite sound. My favorite warmth. My favorite sight. You make this world good, even on the bad days. Your words keep me together. And they tear me apart at the same time. You are my sun, moon, and all the stars. You have my heart, my soul, me. You have me. For now and for always. I am yours. And I am my own. We are each others. You let me be whatever I want to. You tell me to be honest. To be real. To not hate, but to love. You teach me more about myself in an hour than I have learned about myself in all the years before you. You make me smile, laugh, and sometimes even cry. But you also hold me, and reassure me, and make me laugh. You hold all the broken pieces of me in your hands. You try to put them back together sometimes, but you have also learned that some of those pieces are better left out. You are still a mystery to me. An unknown factor. A mystery I can't wait to figure out. You haven't shown up yet. Or maybe you have and I just haven't noticed yet. I am waiting. Maybe not patiently all the time, but I am waiting for you. Whenever you want to show up. Whenever the time is right. You have me. All that I can give is yours. I hope you feel the same.

Love,
Me