5/19/14

1. It'll never feel right to talk about someone you have loved in the past tense. Whether it's family, friends, or lovers.

2. Never let a guy come between you and your best friend. You may love them and think they're the most amazing person in the world, but if they make you drop your friends you've known for your whole life, they aren't good for you.

3. Life is not always kind. You will have years where it seems the world is out to get you. Keep going.

4. You might not always know the right words to say. Sometimes there are no right words. All you can do is hold that person and let them know you're there.

5. Spending nights listening to poetry is not a waste of time. Sometimes it can explain how you're feeling a lot better than you can.

6. You won't always be friends with the people you went to elementary school with. Sometimes the only reason you are friends is because you see each other five days a week.

7. You'll surprise yourself with some of the things you will do when you're given the opportunity. 

8. There are a lot of reasons to keep living. Sometimes it's that tv show you don't want to miss and other times it's because you can't wait to find out what's going to happen in your life next. That's okay. 

9. Thinking about killing yourself and actually doing it aren't the same. But if you ever truly consider it, talk to someone. Because the hurt and loneliness you feel might not be able to be fixed, but knowing there is someone out there who would miss you can save your life.

10. This world is not fair. People will disappear from your life without you realizing. You will be hurt. You may even be broken beyond repair. Some people get dealt a shitty hand and sometimes there is no fixing it.

These are ten things I have learned recently. A lot of them are not pretty. A lot of them are messy and scary and things people don't want to talk about. But life is full of these lessons. Lessons that are ugly and painful, but they leave you changed. You can give up when it gets too hard, but if you do you'll never see it get better. Sometimes that's all that will get you through the day. But it's something and that's all you really need.

Learning these things hasn't been easy. It definitely isn't fun or exciting and it probably never will be. But it's just the way life is and learning that sooner rather than later is best.

I hope you've had a good life and that you've not learned these lessons the hard way. Don't let these facts keep you away from living a full life. Making mistakes and failing is a part of life. It's okay. Keep going. You'll be okay.

Love,
Natalie

5/10/14

Baby I hope that you are brave. I hope that you can live a life that you're proud of. That you can look back at your mistakes and see how they changed you. I hope it's for the better. And my dear I hope that you have someone who will listen. Whether it's about a bad day or something funny you saw online. I hope they sit there and really listen. You're going to need them.

When life gets too hard. When all you want to do is give up. Talk to them. Or just be with them. Be in that moment. Feel their love, their warmth. Know that your problems will pass, that these are the moments you will remember. The times where you were just in that person's presence and how much you love them.

These people are hard to find. If you're lucky the universe will bring you together early in life. But usually it takes time. It takes battles and getting hurt and a lot of tears to find them, but when you find them you'll know. They will fill a hole in your heart you never knew was there. They will be so much like you, but you will see them as so much more.

You will wonder how you got so lucky. How someone as amazing as them would even put up with you. Trust me, they're thinking the same thing. My dear this person will seem unreal to you. You'll think that they're just there until someone better comes along. Don't believe these words. They aren't true.

Just remember that this person also chose you. It might seem crazy, but it's true.

And yeah, things won't always be easy. There will be times where you two don't talk or where you might not see each other for months on end. But that just give you more things to talk about when you are finally able to see each other again.

They may leave. To go off on their next adventure. To start living a life they will be proud of.

You'll always remember them. Baby, when you look back on the memories you made with this person you won't be able to stop smiling. They will leave an imprint on your heart. You will be changed because of them and they will be changed because of you.

My dear these people are special. You will only have a few in your life. Cherish the time you get to spend with them. Be in the moment with them. So you can remember what that love felt like. Be there when they need you. Let them go when they need it. Share pieces of yourself you wouldn't share with anyone else.

Always remember that these people were put into your life for a reason. Baby, you're going to learn so much from them. And you're going to teach them too. Be open to this and you'll be okay.

Love,
Natalie

Endings Aren't Always Happy

Not everyone gets a happy ending. You might not even get a satisfying one. Sometimes it just ends. This world is cruel. It will knock you down again and again, baby. You won't understand it and neither will anyone else. It just has to be accepted.

You're ending might not be what you expected. It might not be meeting your prince and riding off into the sunset. It might not involve you with a family. It might not involve you growing old. But it might. The only way of knowing is to keep living.

It will be messy. This world has been built on heart breaks and sadness my dear. It is not always kind. In fact it's usually painful and hard. I know this isn't what you want to hear. I know it isn't what people usually tell you, but it's true. Your life is going to have a lot more valleys than hills. But my dear those highs are going to get you through the lows. You just have to keep going through the valley until you reach the next hill.

I know you can do it. You've got this baby. You are going to become an expert in this surviving thing pretty soon. I know it may not seem like it at the moment, but you're doing it. Every second you are still here you are surviving. And I am so proud of you for that.

You're going to have to confront the dark parts of your life. They will come at unexpected times. Keep your head up. You will get through it. Pieces of you will shatter during these times. Let it. The light from those broken shards will be able to penetrate the dark. Slowly at first, but it will work. Don't let that fear stop you from living your life.

I know this is scary honey. I know you want to cover your eyes and pretend you never read this. No one wants to hear about the bad parts of life. No one wants you to know that your ending might not be what you've always imagined.

But baby here I am. Writing this for you, for me, for anyone out there who needs to know that this world can suck. But that this world is also pretty great and the only way of learning these two things is to keep living. To see what your plan is.

So here I am pouring my heart onto this blank page. Trying to figure out this life and what it means to me just like you are. I don't know everything and I never will. But baby that's the best part of life. Learning something about yourself or the people around you everyday. It keeps it exciting.

So stay curious. Keep your eyes open and don't let the world make you hard. You'll get far in life myy dear by doing this. And just know that everyone around is trying to figure out this thing we call life too. So you're never alone.

Don't worry about your ending. It will come when the time is right. Until then make the best of what is going on right now. You can do it.

Love,
Natalie

If I Haven't Told You

If I haven't told you how much you meant to me,
I am now.

If I haven't told you I love you,
I am now.

If I haven't told you you matter,
I am now.

If I haven't told you any of these things
If I haven't reminded you
If you don't know this,
I am so sorry.

If I haven't told you how beautiful you are,
I am now.

If I haven't told you how powerful your words are,
I am now.

If I haven't told you how unbelievably amazing you are,
I am now.

If I haven't told you these things,
If I have let you feel in any way less than perfect,
If you doubt this in any way,
I am so sorry.

If I haven't loved you enough,
I am now.

If I haven't appreciated you enough,
I am now.

If I haven't told you you are enough,
I am now.

If I have made you doubt,
If I haven't made you feel good about yourself,
If don't believe this,
I am so sorry.

I will try harder.

To make you believe these things.
To make you realize how much you matter.
And if I haven't yet,
I want to remind you how beautiful you are.

Love,
Natalie

I Pray

This is my prayer for you. That you always look up. Whether it be at the stars or the sun. That you never let fear win. That you see that your life is full of beautiful and terrifying things. That you will be okay in the end.

I pray that you will have a wonderful life. That the world is good to you and you find kind people to love. I hope you find a reason to smile everyday. You deserve to live a good life. Even if at times it hurts. Learning to love yourself, scars and all, is going to be hard. But you have to do it. Before anyone else can love you and before you can love others you must love yourself.

I pray that you remember this. That you are able to find comfort in the face of horrible times in the arms of a God that loves you. Always and forever. This is what I hope for you. There will be times when you forget, times where this world will knock you down and no one tries to help you up. Look up, have faith and hold on.

I pray that you never lose faith. That your light is never darkened by shadows. And if it is, I pray that you are able to brighten it. I hope that you hold on. In the darkness, during the times where you are afraid, and when life gets too hard. I pray that you just hold on. I pray you do your best. That's all you need at the end of the day. To be proud of yourself. That's what I hope for you.

I pray you meet the best people out there. People who will love you and care about you no matter what. I hope this world is kind to you. That you find kindness in everyone even when it is hard. It will be hard. So remember those people who are there in the bad times. Those who can make your light shine even brighter than before with just a few words. You're going to need them.

I pray this world doesn't break you. At least not forever. And just remember that the more a muscle tears the stronger they become. So even when your heart is breaking, remember that it's just going to become stronger. But baby, please don't let a crack cause you to give up.

I pray you always know love. That you are able to show it and are shown it in return. I know it sounds easy darling, but trust me typing out these words is a lot easier than living by them. It will take time to learn how to open your heart. Especially after you've been hurt.

I pray you survive because sometimes that's all you can do. Look ahead, hold your head high and keep moving. You might not make it out without woulds, back you will get out. Baby, surviving is what life is about. Don't forget that you will survive that heart break, that loss. You will survive your depression, your anxiety, your life. You just have to keep going.

My dear I know this is a lot of hoping. I know that there will be times where you will have anything but hope. So I pray for you. That you live a good life. That you survive, even if you come through with battle scars. I pray you hold on. To your faith and to your hope. Most importantly I pray that you are proud of yourself in the end. No matter what.

Love,
Natalie

Be Honest. Be Brave.

Just remember that your past is the reason you're here right now in this moment. It has made you into this amazing human being who has lived a life full of good and bad things and you got through it. So never let someone make you feel like you don't deserve something because of a mistake you made before you knew any better. We all have to make mistakes so we can learn from them baby.

You are the only one who needs to forgive your mistakes. Do not let someone else hold that power. Because if you do, it will take a long time to take that power back. So be proud. Embrace your mistakes. No one has the right to make you feel inferior. Please remember this honey. Because it's going to happen. People are going to hurt you, but it will make you a stronger person.

Don't worry about the people who leave when they find out about your past. They aren't worth the hurt. You will eventually find the people who will love you no matter what. Those are the people who are worth it. Never let someone else decide what you are worth because you are so much more than what other people see on the outside.

You are made of your mistakes and failures. Your triumphs and happiness. You are made of stardust and smiles and tears. You were wonderfully and fearfully made by a God that will love you forever. Remember this. You will live a long life full of good and bad things. Don't let your bad things overshadow the good.

Think of that voice in the back of your head. Whoever it sounds like; you, your parents, your best friend, they are the types of people that you need. People who care and are willing to tell you when you have made a mistake, but who won't judge you for it.

Remember that you were beautiful before anyone ever told you and you will be beautiful after they leave. This is important. On those days where you can't even look into a mirror without remembering what that person said about you don't look. It's okay. But the next day take hundreds of pictures of yourself. Even if you don't save them do it. Remind yourself that you are beautiful. Always.

Tell yourself you look beautiful everyday. Even if you don't believe it at the moment, you'll start to believe it. Loving yourself takes time. Especially in a world that continuously tells you that you need to change everything about you to be "pretty." Baby, please don't believe them.

Love yourself. Don't let others label you. Never let your past get in the way of your future. Learn from your mistakes and let others learn from yours too. Be proud and never let someone decide you don't deserve something. These things are going to be hard. You're going to get hurt sometimes. You're going to make bad choices at 3 a.m. after a bad fight with someone you love. That's okay. You have to learn sometime my dear.

Love yourself even after you make mistakes. Don't let your mistakes stop you from living. Be honest. Be real. That's all you have to do.

Love,
Natalie

You Are Loved

I don't know if you have someone who loves you or not. But you deserve to be told that you are loved. A lot. Even if it's from a stranger you've never met.

Please don't forget that, sweetheart.

Because life is going to be hard and it will try to make you think that you aren't important. But never let it. Because you are so important. Even if it is to a few people. You still matter. You are still loved.

Sweetheart know this. The world is a dark place but love makes it a little brighter. So let your light shine. Guide those who have been extinguished. Burn bright and even if you are the only light, the dark will no longer engulf you. Never let someone put out your light. You are the only one responsible for how bright it glows.

Maybe you're not ready for love. Maybe love isn't ready for you. That's okay. Take your time. Know that sometimes love is that person who smiled at you on a really bad day or the best friend you've had since kindergarten. Maybe it's going home, alone, and being content. I guess what I'm getting at is love can be found everywhere. Sometimes it might just be a little harder to find than others.

Be present. In every day life. There you will find the little loves. The way the sunshine hits your face, the smile of a little kid, hearing other people laugh. These are the little loves. The little ways that people show how much they care for them.

Give away your love freely. Yes, it will cause you to get hurt at times, but the love you receive back will soften the blow. You may even receive love from someone you never imagined. Try not to be too worried. Giving away pieces of yourself daily is dangerous. But it's worth it in the end. You are fine, in fact you are perfect. You are loved by the most important people in the world. And that's all you really need in life.

Because when you are old and gray, looking back on your life, the love is what you'll remember. That's what matters. Baby this is what you need to remember.

The love of people can change the world, it can change you. But only if you let it. And you may not love everyone you meet. There may be people out there you'll get to know and they just won't be lovable. But don't show them hate. There is enough of that in the world. Show them compassion. They probably need it.

And when you are laying in your bed late at night worrying about the past, just remember that the past is what has formed you. Your past loves, your past friends, your past feelings are all a part of present you. So the unrequited love for that boy, the angry yelling at your parents because "they just don't understand", the silence between you and your best friend because that's what you needed at the time, they are all ways of showing love.

Be proud of these things. Be proud of the mistakes you have made with trusting people with your heart. At least you learned from it. Show everyone around you that a heartbreak isn't going to stop you from living. Cry, be angry, but then put on your armor and take up your sword and keep fighting.

Because that's what life is. That's what love is. It's a continuous fight. So be prepared. Because it's going to be a long, hard battle. But the day when you can finally lay down your sword and take off your armor you'll realize that it was so worth it.

Let your world be changed. Walk around with your hands open and your heart expectant. You'll find love in the most unexpected places if you do.

Trust me.

Love,
Natalie