Thoughts On Depression

Here's the thing about depression and what I've learned about it during my life. Either dealing with it or seeing  people I love deal with it, I've learned a lot. The main thing I've learned is that it doesn't matter who you are, what you've been blessed with, anyone can be depressed.

You can be rich or poor, have any color skin, be a Christian or hold whatever belief you want, it doesn't matter. None of these things affect whether or not you will have the chemical imbalance that causes depression. Because that's what depression is, and you can't control it.

The fact that some people say that if you are a Christian or if you have this thing in your life or if you do this thing, then you won't be depressed anymore. That's just a lie. There is no way to "fix" depression. You can take medication that reduces the affects depression has on you or you can even have lengths of time where the depression is almost no existent, but it doesn't fix it.

 It's hard to deal with depression, especially when you have people around you who either don't think you are depressed or they think that if you just suck it up you'll get better. And those people make me really angry. They make you feel worse about the way you feel, which no one should feel entitled to do. I know that if I had a choice between being depressed or not I wouldn't choose the one that makes me feel like crap  90% of the time. I think people forget that sometimes. That we don't get to choose that we feel like this sometimes.

People make being depressed seem like this thing that no one should talk about, like if we don't talk about it it will just go away. But it won't. It's something you have to deal with all your life and there will be good days and there will be horrible days, and you just have to keep going. Even when life seems like it's trying to completely destroy you.

I don't know how to make it better, and truthfully I don't think you can. There will be times in life where the darkness seems like it's engulfing you completely. Like there is no way the light can break through, but it does. And all I know is you have to keep going, even when you don't want to.

Love,
Natalie

These Things I Know To Be True

1. Life is going to hurt. 
2. Crying can make you either feel better or worse. You'll never be able to tell which it will be until you've already started.
3. Family is the most important thing you have in this world, don't let them forget you care.
4. A best friend will be what gets you through everything your family can't. Choose them wisely. 
5. Country music, ice cream, and Chinese food can fix almost everything.
6. Life isn't fair, but some days it will feel like you're always getting the worst of it.
7. When you don't know what to say, just stay quiet and hug. That can be more comforting than anything else. 
8. Have hope, even in the darkest of time. Because the sun has to come out eventually.
9. Being alone and lonely are completely different.
10. Take your time with love. Heartbreak can change you, and not always for the best.
11. Always treat people the way you want them to treat you. Even if they don't return the favor. 
12. Being brave isn't always noticeable. 
13. Get someone else's opinion, but make sure you know the consequences before making any decisions.
14. Take deep breathes. It helps.
15. Spend time with the people you love. You never know what the next day may bring.

Love,
Natalie

Five Minute Friday

Today's Topic: Brave

I'm lucky to know  so many brave people. But I think some people get forgotten in their bravery. Their bravery is quieter, less noticeable.

Like the bravery it takes for someone to get up and go on with their day when they feel like it's worthless. Or the bravery when someone is hurt by another person, but they forgive them and they forget. Bravery is needed in all the parts of our life. I just don't think we notice it enough.

Being brave, it isn't about fighting an illness or standing up to the bully. It's about getting up each morning and going through life with a smile, even when you are hurting. Being brave is sharing your feelings with people who loves you and you love. Being brave is admitting when you're wrong. Being brave is apologizing.

The bravery in people isn't always seen. But I think that's for the best. If we knew how brave everyone was all the time, then we would be too afraid to ask for help from them, we'd feel inadequate. People's bravery isn't always obvious, you have to search for it, and sometimes their bravery looks like weakness. But being brave isn't about defeating all your demons on your own. No, being brave is about asking for help when you're at your lowest.

Love,
Natalie

Horror Movies and Books

I watched this YouTube video on why we need the horror genre by Michael Martin and I really liked what he had to say about it, so I thought I'd write about how I feel about them here.

I've always been really into horror and fantasy books ever since I started reading. I loved the Goosebumps books (which I grew up reading and it sort of fostered my love for reading.) and I have a special place in my heart for Carrie by Stephen King and a series that I've only read the first book of because it's out of print now, but it's called the Fearless series and it's by Francine Pascal. I've also always loved horror movies, but that's because most of them are hilariously bad either in action or in CGI.

But there is something about the horror genre that I find so fascinating, and I always thought I was the only one who thought this about it. And that's that horror has a great story, because it's light versus dark. You can always tell the evil from the good. And you know who's going to win. But life isn't that certain. It's more grey.

I think that's why I like that genre so much. It's black and white. Good versus evil. And good always wins. And in life, it doesn't seem to work out that way. You see the bad, the evil in the world and you can't imagine these things, but they're out there and it seems that they are getting worse and no one is there to stop them. But there is always a hero in books and movies. 

It's scary sometimes to think about all the evil in the world. But then when you see horrible tragedies happen you always see people out there helping them. So, maybe the world doesn't have a single hero, maybe were all our own heroes fighting our own personal evils and helping each other out when they need us. Maybe we're the good. 

Horror is a great genre, because it doesn't say that monsters aren't real. It says they are real, but they can be defeated and that's what is important. Knowing the monster can be slain makes us feel safe. We may not have that certainty in life, all of our monsters might not be able to be slain by ourselves, but that also shows that we're human and sometimes we need help. And there will always be someone ready to take up a sword and fight along with you. You just have to ask.

Love,

Natalie

Five Minute Friday

Okay, I'm going to be honest, I wasn't going to do this today but then I saw the topic and I felt like I just needed to. So here goes.

Today's Topic: Friend

Thank you. That's what I want to say to you.
Thank you and I love you. I hope you know that.

I'm so glad I met you and I'm so glad we never grew apart.
Even at the worst we were there for each other.
We know things about each other that we won't share with anyone else.

Life hasn't been easy for either of us.
We've had some pretty rough times.
But we made it.
Even though the world seemed against us, we made it.

I wish I could see you more.
I wish we talked more.
But I love that when we see each other it's like we never had the time apart.

I'm glad you fought.
I'm SO glad you beat your depression.
I'm glad you survived.
I don't know what I would do without you.

I hope you know this.
I hope I let you know how much you mean to me.
I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything.

We started as strangers and now we're sisters.
I couldn't think of a better person to share my life with.
Thanks for choosing me.

Love,
Natalie

4/25/13

I’m really pissed right now and this is just a rant, so if you've clicked this you’ll probably want to just leave right now.

Okay, so I have this one dance teacher who I used to really like and she was a great teacher who really pushed you to do something even if you were afraid to and I loved that. But now it’s like she doesn't even care.

She also has said horrible things about one of the girls in our class because she’s overweight and my teacher wanted a certain costume but it didn't come in the right size for everyone. And she’ll gossip about the other girls in class when they aren't there which I just find to be unprofessional.

And that’s not even the worst of it. She’s literally said to some of the girls who have asked her for help with our dance that “the world goes on even when they’re not there,” and then didn't help them. What kind of teacher does that!?

I know that she has had her own personal issues and everything, but you don’t get to bring your problems and make them everyone else’s. You’re a teacher, we’re there for you t teach us. The fact that we, as a class, have choreographed basically half of the dance this year and basically the whole dance last year is unprofessional. And it’d be nice if she would show up when she’s supposed to too.

It used to be that I would go to her class after a bad day and everything would get better, but now I dread having her class. And truthfully I wouldn't care if she didn't stay after this year like she keeps saying she will.

Her favoritism for certain students because she used to be their color guard teacher is just the icing on the cake. When you can literally sit in her class and just tell that she favors these certain people, it bothers me because there are at least ten other people who deserve the help she gives her favorites.

I only hope that since the guard girls are all graduating this year that it will get better, or that she leaves. Because I can’t take much more of this shit.

On Worrying Too Much

This video describe something in my life I've never been able to really tell someone about. I've always been one to make sure everyone else is okay and happy before I even think of myself. I worry about things that I can in no way control and I don't know how to not do that. So I try to embrace. And I try to make other people realize that worrying about something, even if there is nothing you can do about it, is okay. Just try not to bottle it all up. I'm working on that, and I'm not very good at it yet, but I'm getting there. And I'm so thankful for that to everyone who listens, especially you guys. Thanks.

Love,
Natalie