I'm having one of those weeks it seems to where that I just want to be able to leave. I'm so close to being able to just choose to get in a car and leave for a while and figure out what is missing and it feels like it can't get here soon enough.

The thing is, I probably won't. I'm so afraid of making everyone around me happy and making sure that what I'm doing isn't going to upset anyone. I'm all about pleasing the people around me, even if it means I'm not happy at that very moment.

Maybe it's just because I'm beginning to realize that this may not be the place for me. But, I also realize I hope that I never become someone who never gets to caught up in their life to come back and visit where I grew up and the places that do mean a lot to me, but maybe aren't where I'm meant to be.

There's something odd about having this feeling. Especially with the fact that I've never been one to just go off on my own for a long time. I have this terrible anxiety when I go on family vacations. So, maybe there is a reason that I'm feeling like this now.

I've still been feeling sad lately, but not as bad as it was earlier. I don't know what that meas, but I guess it's a good thing.

I've always been the people pleaser, like I said earlier, but I hope I can start to change that. Being happy and content with myself is something I'm working on and probably will work on for most of my life. And that's okay. I just hope that at some point I will be able to have the confidence to be myself ad not care about what others may think. 

I think it takes time and maybe I need to get away at some point and figure out who I want to be. But I have a lot of time for that.

And Sure, one day I'm going to eventually have to decide to grow up and face the world, but that's not anytime soon and I'm so glad. Because it still terrifies me to some degree and college definitely does. So, I just try to forget about it and ignore the facts.

This is really just something I've bee feeling lately and wanted to write down.

Love,
Natalie