I'm not much for being alone. I'm a people person who craves a connection with everyone I meet. Not in a romantic way or anything like that, I just want people to care about me as much as I care about them.
I do realize that I tend to be someone who cares for people a little quicker than is probably normal, but I think it's some sort of security thing. I attach myself to people to make myself feel safe especially when I'm in new places.
I know this is something that can be very dangerous and it can be something that can get me hurt, and I've been hurt. But I just can't help it.
After being home schooled the past few years I've come to realize that there are a lot of people that will change when they get older and they aren't really people I want to be associated. I also realize that most people aren't going to put int he effort to stay in contact and to occasionally catch up on each others lifes. It's become something I've just accepted.
Becoming attached to someone is something that is scary. I like to put all of my effort into my relationships and I know that it's something that not a lot of people do. I just want to have someone who I am able to share my thoughts and feelings with and know that they understand what I'm going through. Sometime I just need that elementary school best friend back.
Being open is something that has taken me a long time, and at times I'm still very shy and introverted, but I need to feel connected.
If I spend time on my own, especially a long time, then I begin to doubt and think myself out of being happy. I'm really good at doing this.
I'm also really good at pretending everything is okay and the whole smiling while I'm hurting thing is something I have down to a science. This is probably a bad thing, but it's my way of protecting the people around me and not losing them. I care more about not hurting them, than not hurting myself. To roughly quote one of my favorite books The Fault in Our Stars, I'm a time bomb and when I go off, I don't want my shrapnel to hurt everyone.
So, I keep the hurt to myself and I try to make as many people I know happy, and I cut ties with those people who are bad for me.
I don't expect to continue talking to the same people I am now, I don't expect to still be friends with them when I am in college. This thought both frightens and excites me.
Maybe the fact that I'm always longing to feel connected with the people around me is bad, but to me it's what makes me want to get to know new people and it's what gives me my excitement for life.
Love,
Natalie
I do realize that I tend to be someone who cares for people a little quicker than is probably normal, but I think it's some sort of security thing. I attach myself to people to make myself feel safe especially when I'm in new places.
I know this is something that can be very dangerous and it can be something that can get me hurt, and I've been hurt. But I just can't help it.
After being home schooled the past few years I've come to realize that there are a lot of people that will change when they get older and they aren't really people I want to be associated. I also realize that most people aren't going to put int he effort to stay in contact and to occasionally catch up on each others lifes. It's become something I've just accepted.
Becoming attached to someone is something that is scary. I like to put all of my effort into my relationships and I know that it's something that not a lot of people do. I just want to have someone who I am able to share my thoughts and feelings with and know that they understand what I'm going through. Sometime I just need that elementary school best friend back.
Being open is something that has taken me a long time, and at times I'm still very shy and introverted, but I need to feel connected.
If I spend time on my own, especially a long time, then I begin to doubt and think myself out of being happy. I'm really good at doing this.
I'm also really good at pretending everything is okay and the whole smiling while I'm hurting thing is something I have down to a science. This is probably a bad thing, but it's my way of protecting the people around me and not losing them. I care more about not hurting them, than not hurting myself. To roughly quote one of my favorite books The Fault in Our Stars, I'm a time bomb and when I go off, I don't want my shrapnel to hurt everyone.
So, I keep the hurt to myself and I try to make as many people I know happy, and I cut ties with those people who are bad for me.
I don't expect to continue talking to the same people I am now, I don't expect to still be friends with them when I am in college. This thought both frightens and excites me.
Maybe the fact that I'm always longing to feel connected with the people around me is bad, but to me it's what makes me want to get to know new people and it's what gives me my excitement for life.
Love,
Natalie
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