I'm terrified of going to college in two years. It's like this thought in the back of my mind that never really goes away. "What if I don't get into the college I want to go to," "Will I be able to get through my anxiety and function." But the thing is I don't want to be stuck in the same place forever, but leaving is hard to even think about.

I've lived in the same place since I was born and I've only been to church camp without my parents for a week. I've never gone somewhere far away that I wasn't at least with some family. And all the people I know live here and I'm not like super shy or anything, but I am a person who is quiet until I get comfortable around new people.

The thought of going somewhere where I don't know anyone is mind-boggling. I've always had someone with me, no matter where I went, that I knew. I always had a person I could go to if I was feeling down or just needed to vent, but going somewhere where you don't know anyone you no longer have a person to run to that you can tell about your horrible first days.

I know I don't want to be that person who never got out of their small town to explore the world, but I also know that with my anxiety and the way I stress myself out over miniscule things, I'm bound to have some anxiety. I just need to learn how to control it. Because I'm not going to let it ruin my life and I'm going to go to amazing places one day. I hope I can live up to my expectations and I hope I'm able to let go of this "fear," which it isn't a feeling of fear, it's a feeling of "what if?" And I don't like what if's I like to know exactly what's going to happen, but life isn't like that and you have to roll with the punches and see what God has planned.And I know that whatever happens, I'm going to be okay. I just have to start believing it.

Love,
Natalie