I Have Been Forever Changed By You: 2012

Monday, December 31, 2012

Resolutions For A Better Year

As the new year slowly approaches I just want to say that this has been a pretty long ear, but I can't wait to see what God has in store for me for next year and the years after that. I've learned so much about myself and just about the world in general. I'm so glad know the people that I do and I am so appreciative for what they have done for me. I know that this wasn't the best year, but I also know that with the beginning of the new year there are so many opportunities to have an amazing year, and I plan on making that happen.

I don't usually make a resolution because I suck at keeping them, but I want to this year. And that resolution is this.

I want to be happier and I want to be as fearless as possible. Say yes as much as I can and to also not be afraid to say no. I want to be proud of the things I accomplish and I want to let everyone around me know how much they mean to me.

This is what I want out of this new year, and I'm going to try my hardest to make it happen. Here's to a new start.

Love,
Natalie

Thursday, December 27, 2012

New Year, New Thoughts

I've been sick the last two day and it's given me time to think about everything that's been going on this year. And as the year is coming to an end soon, I wanted to write a couple of things I've realized this year.

I guess the major thing is that growing up is terrifying. But, it's also exciting. I've never been so conflicted about something before and I'm slowly beginning to realize just maybe this i a good thing and that not knowing everything is sort of the point and that I don't have to have life figured out at sixteen. And thats made me feel a little better.

Bad things happen in life and the way people respond to tragedy differs, but we should always be respectful. And that's hard for a lot of people to remember, especially adults.

Maybe being happy is a lot easier than what it seems.

Don't be afraid to take time to be alone for a while. Being lonely and being alone are two different things.

Best friends are hard to come by and there are few that stay. But the thing about the good ones are that they will stick by you no mater what. And I'm lucky to have a few of the good ones.

Being proud of yourself is definitely something that should happen more often.

Spending time with your family is important. At some point you might not be able to get together like you see to, so always take any opportunity to hang out with them and get to know them better. The thing about family is that they're never going to leave you and you've got pretty great one.

Don't overlook the small things. They're usually the things you remember the most as time goes on.

Don't worry about finding the right guy, when it's the right time God will put you two together.

These are just a few of the things I could think of off the top of my head and they're mainly for me to remember as I get older. They're bits of advice that I find important to my life and they're things that have shape me into the person I am. So, these are the things I've learned this year. What about you?

Saturday, December 15, 2012

An Amazing Day

Some days are like today and it just makes everything seem so much better. I don't even know why, but today has just been amazing. And I haven't felt like this in a long time.

I had to work today and truthfully I was tired and didn't really want to, but I went and I'm so glad I did. I had a party for a five year old little boy and it was about dinosaurs. Now, if you know anything about five year old boys, it's that they love dinosaurs. This was an adorable little boy and he kind of just made my day. It wasn't even that different from mist days at work, but it was just so nice to see such an innocent and kind kid who hasn't been jaded by the world.

I don't know why this was such a different day, but it was and I'm really thankful for it. It was what I needed to get into the Christmas spirit.

But, it may have started last night too. I went to my youth leaders house and we played some games and had pizza and we put together treat bags for our church. It was a really fun night and I think it started the whole feeling, but today just made it even better.

So, all in all I feel so blessed to have a job that I love and to be able to work with amazing people. And that the people I have in my life are so loving and care so much about me.

Love,
Natalie

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

25 Things You Should Know About Love | Thought Catalog

What Do I Stand For?

"What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Some nights I don't know anymore."-Fun.

This is a hard question and it's something that everyone struggles with at some point. So, how do you decide what you stand for? How do you decide what is important and what your belief is? That's a lot of responsibility for one person to have.

To some people it's what you're willing to die for. To others it's not having a belief in a "higher power." But we have to figure out the answer at some point. Having something to stand for is what we're here for. We are made to live a passionate and caring life.

I thought I'd try to make a list of five things I stand for.

1. Personal Freedoms--I stand for the rights of others and that no one should be treated differently just because they are different.

2. My Family--I stand for my family. They mean so much to me and I will always stand for them.

3. My Friends--I stand for my friends because they will stand for me.

4. Love--I stand for love because it's something everyone deserves to feel in their lifetime.

5. Faith--I stand for faith, in whatever you may believe. I stand for the freedom to share that faith and to be able to discuss it freely and to be open to other people's faith.

I'm sure there are more things that I stand for, but that's the five major ones. They are the ones I think are most important.

But, knowing what you stand for and actually being willing to stand up for it are completely different and it takes a lot of courage to stand up for things. Especially if you're standing alone. But it's still important, and you should never change what you believe just to fit in.

So, stand for what you care about. It might just make a difference in someone's life one day. Or change the world. But you'll never know if you don't try.

Love,
Natalie

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Lifetimes

Sometimes life has a way of bringing things to fruition when they are most needed. Sometimes though, they seem like there's someone out there who is just trying to destroy your life. This was one of those times.

It hadn't been something she was expecting, it just happened. But, then again maybe it didn't just happen. Maybe there was a greater reason, but at this point she was pretty sure something was out to get her.

She didn't know what to do now that her mother was gone. She had consumed her life taking care of her mother and even though she had been sick, she had never expected this to be the outcome. She was left in a town where she barely knew anyone and she felt lost.

As she continued through her daily life, she met this person. It wasn't something that seemed special to begin with. It was just someone to take her mind off her mother's death. Someone that she began to think of as a friend and someone she could confide in that she never really had before. And this made her feel a little better.

But something was still missing. She wasn't sure what and she tried to ignore it and just blame it on the fact she was missing he mother, but that didn't seem right. So, she finally talked to her new friend about it and he listened.

She sat and talked for hours about how lost she felt and how she was afraid that she wasn't doing what she was supposed to be. And he just sat and listened and occasionally let hi opinion be heard when he felt it was needed. As she came to and end with her fears and her anxieties she realized this had been what she had needed all along. She just needed someone to talk to. Someone who would listen and not judge.

How he had known that, she wasn't sure. But what she did know was that she had been blessed by him and that he had been sent to come into her life at the time he was needed.

She didn't know how to thank him for what he had done for her, so she wrote him a letter and this is what it said:

Thank you for helping me find beauty in the pain I've felt. You will forever be in my heart. You came into my life at a time where I was lost and needed someone to guide me though a painful time and you did that for me. I am so grateful for you and your friendship. I hope that you never forget how important and amazing you are and how rare it is to have the ability to listen to someone like you do. So, thank you for your love and your patience. I can only hope that I will be able to help you one day as much as you have helped me.

Love,
Mariah

(This is a story I've been working on. I hope you guys like it.)

Friday, November 30, 2012

There's this thing that's bothering me at the moment and I thought I'd write about it.

So, if my brother doesn't do well on this final then he could fail this one class. Now that doesn't bother me. I mean no one's perfect and you don't always get everything right. What's bothering me is something that my mom said. She made some comment that he might not go back, and that's what bothers me.

I don't understand how someone can just give up that easily, especially since it's just one class. That doesn't make since to me. Sure, I'm not the greatest at school and it's not something I thrive at, but I wouldn't just give up.

I'd like to think that he wouldn't either, but school has always come easy to him and it frustrates him whenever he doesn't get something right and so, I honestly can't say that I know he won't.

I totally understand that life sucks and it's going knock you on your ass sometimes, but you have to get back up and keep going. That's hard to do sometimes, I know, but it's so worth it. And maybe it's different when you're in that situation and maybe I don't totally understand, but I do know that if I were in his position I would try my hardest and if that isn't good enough I would figure out a way to fix it.

All I can do is hope and pray that he does well and that if he doesn't then I can only hope he won't give up. And I hate not being able to do something because I want everyone to be happy.

That's all for this little rant, I hope you're having a good day.

Love,
Natalie

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Meeting Strangers Online Is The Best Thing Ever | Thought Catalog

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Friends

When I was younger all the kids in my neighborhood would play together and hang out and we were friends. It didn't matter that some of us were eight and then others were in high school, we just liked playing together.

I feel like this is something that I've lost over time. I know it's something that has slowly been disappearing because the people I used to play with were no longer there to hang out with. They were going off to college, or moving away or they were changing and not in a good way. I mean one of them has a baby now and they were someone I used to always play with.

Maybe it's because we're getting older and maturing and the games we used to play aren't "cool" anymore but sometime I just wish we could go back to when it didn't matter if we were years apart, we could still be friends and have fun without it being weird.

I'm thankful for the times I had with these friends and I hope that kids can still have these sort of friendships because it has shaped me into the person I am today and it has shown me who I want to be and who I don't want to be. I never realized what some of these people were going through when I was younger and I realize that there was a reason for that and I also realize that the times that they were over at my house they weren't always because they were looking for someone to play with.

So, maybe we didn't stay best friends, but what I do have to say is that they are people I will never forget and they will always have a special place in my heart because they mean something to me. They became a pat of our family and will always be a part of it, no matter how long we may go without seeing them. And no matter what they choices they make.

Friends are family you get to choose and my friends, no matter what, I don't forget.

Love,
Natalie

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Thank You

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Being Alone

I'm not much for being alone. I'm a people person who craves a connection with everyone I meet. Not in a romantic way or anything like that, I just want people to care about me as much as I care about them.

I do realize that I tend to be someone who cares for people a little quicker than is probably normal, but I think it's some sort of security thing. I attach myself to people to make myself feel safe especially when I'm in new places.

I know this is something that can be very dangerous and it can be something that can get me hurt, and I've been hurt. But I just can't help it.

After being home schooled the past few years I've come to realize that there are a lot of people that will change when they get older and they aren't really people I want to be associated. I also realize that most people aren't going to put int he effort to stay in contact and to occasionally catch up on each others lifes. It's become something I've just accepted.

Becoming attached to someone is something that is scary. I like to put all of my effort into my relationships and I know that it's something that not a lot of people do. I just want to have someone who I am able to share my thoughts and feelings with and know that they understand what I'm going through. Sometime I just need that elementary school best friend back.

Being open is something that has taken me a long time, and at times I'm still very shy and introverted, but I need to feel connected.

If I spend time on my own, especially a long time, then I begin to doubt and think myself out of being happy. I'm really good at doing this.

I'm also really good at pretending everything is okay and the whole smiling while I'm hurting thing is something I have down to a science. This is probably a bad thing, but it's my way of protecting the people around me and not losing them. I care more about not hurting them, than not hurting myself. To roughly quote one of my favorite books The Fault in Our Stars, I'm a time bomb and when I go off, I don't want my shrapnel to hurt everyone.

So, I keep the hurt to myself and I try to make as many people I know happy, and I cut ties with those people who are bad for me.

I don't expect to continue talking to the same people I am now, I don't expect to still be friends with them when I am in college. This thought both frightens and excites me.

Maybe the fact that I'm always longing to feel connected with the people around me is bad, but to me it's what makes me want to get to know new people and it's what gives me my excitement for life.

Love,
Natalie

Crushing Words

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I want to talk about love today. I'm not going to go into this sappy lovestruck teenage babble about some cute boy who I am totally in love with after just meeting. No, this is about the love we feel and see around us.

When I'm with friends or family or even people I just sort of know but still care about I feel this love for them. They each have their own type of love and they each mean something different to me, but they are all still loved.

My friends have a love that I tend to call the "chose family" love. That's because they are people I've chosen to be important to me. They are put i that special place by me and they do become like a second family. My friends are amazing and I would never want to change what they mean to me. Being a friend to someone is also important to me, because I know how important having a friend who you know cares is.

My family has the "family love." Sometimes I may hate them with a passion and wish I was never a part of my family, but then I realize that my family is kind of awesome. Now, don't get me wrong I absolutely love my family, but they can be kind of crazy sometimes. I may not have been able to pick my family, but I sure was blessed with a pretty amazing one and that's all I could ask for.

Now those people that I just sort of know but still care about are a special group. They are people who I don't count as friends but they are more than acquaintances. These are people that I love and care about and they may not feel the same, but that's okay. I tend to be someone who throws herself into a relationship and I realize that not a lot of people are like that. I also tend to get attached very quickly and start caring about people way too soon.

There is another love that I want to note. And that's the love that we see all around us. Parents with their kids, siblings, couples. If you've ever been somewhere like an airport then you've seen this love. The love between these two strangers you may never know, but it is so real ad tangible. A love that almost everyone can relate to at some point.

Being in love is beautiful. It's also something that happens every day. So be careful with your, but let yourself love other unconditionally because you ever know when love might find you. We always seem to have some sort of love in our lives, so never forget that there will always be someone, somewhere that loves you. Even if it doesn't feel like at that moment.

Love,
Natalie

Monday, November 5, 2012

I may have said this before, but I am a christian and I do believe in God. But the God that I believe in doesn't hate.

I've always been taught that the God I believe in accepts anyone and we shouldn't judge people just because they are different. That's not our job.

There was one time when I was little that my family went to an amusement park and it happened to be their gay pride weekend. There were people there protesting and they had signs saying "God hate gays" and worse things (I'm sure you can figure out what those are.) When we went by them either me or one of my brothers looked up at my parents and said, "Why do they keep saying that? God doesn't hate anyone."

Now, I don't actually have memory of this, but after that statement my parents said you could tell that those protestors were uncomfortable.

And that's the thing. If a child can know that God doesn't hate and that we have no reason to hate someone because they're different then why can't grown adults?

Maybe it's because that's what I've always been taught ad maybe it's because I'm not afraid to think different from other people. But what I do know is that I would never want someone to persecute me just because I'm different, so I'm not going to persecute anyone else.

I believe there is one God in this universe and that that God doesn't condone hate or intolerance. We are to treat others as we want to be treated. Passing judgement on a group of people for one thing isn't something I feel is right or something I feel is something I should do.

I'm under the belief that the God I believe in loves everyone, no matter what, so that's how I choose to live my life. I hope that's how you choose to live yours too.

Love,
Natalie

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Love Conquers All | Thought Catalog

Saturday, November 3, 2012

I'm having one of those weeks it seems to where that I just want to be able to leave. I'm so close to being able to just choose to get in a car and leave for a while and figure out what is missing and it feels like it can't get here soon enough.

The thing is, I probably won't. I'm so afraid of making everyone around me happy and making sure that what I'm doing isn't going to upset anyone. I'm all about pleasing the people around me, even if it means I'm not happy at that very moment.

Maybe it's just because I'm beginning to realize that this may not be the place for me. But, I also realize I hope that I never become someone who never gets to caught up in their life to come back and visit where I grew up and the places that do mean a lot to me, but maybe aren't where I'm meant to be.

There's something odd about having this feeling. Especially with the fact that I've never been one to just go off on my own for a long time. I have this terrible anxiety when I go on family vacations. So, maybe there is a reason that I'm feeling like this now.

I've still been feeling sad lately, but not as bad as it was earlier. I don't know what that meas, but I guess it's a good thing.

I've always been the people pleaser, like I said earlier, but I hope I can start to change that. Being happy and content with myself is something I'm working on and probably will work on for most of my life. And that's okay. I just hope that at some point I will be able to have the confidence to be myself ad not care about what others may think.

I think it takes time and maybe I need to get away at some point and figure out who I want to be. But I have a lot of time for that.

And Sure, one day I'm going to eventually have to decide to grow up and face the world, but that's not anytime soon and I'm so glad. Because it still terrifies me to some degree and college definitely does. So, I just try to forget about it and ignore the facts.

This is really just something I've bee feeling lately and wanted to write down.

Love,
Natalie

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

88 Important Truths I’ve Learned About Life | Thought Catalog

Monday, October 29, 2012

Messy Mondays: The One about "Bad Words"

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I feel like I may be starting to feel like the place I'm at right now is where I want to get out of here for a while. Maybe not leave forever ad move away, but take a vacation from my life and start over again for a while.

But, what I've realized after having this little vacation is that when you come back, no matter how long your gone, there's going to be something you're going to have to face. You're always coming back to what you left.

The again, maybe that's what I need right now. To go and forget everything and then to come back and be throw into the world again and be needed. Maybe this is something everyone needs. I think taking time for ourselves isn't something to be ashamed for needing, but it is something that we need from time to time.

It's maybe something people begin to feel when they get older and realize how hard it is to get away from things when you don't leave. 'Cause I don't remember feeling like this when I was little.

It could also be that when I was gone these last few days, I didn't need to have the internet to be entertained because I had so much to do. Maybe it shows that people really ca go without technology and we should more often, because it forces us to be more social and really get to know people we would otherwise not even think about saying hello to.

Maybe vacations are meant to give you time to think about life and to realize that there are things in this world we care about that really aren't all that important.

So I still haven't figured out what I'm actually feeling here, but I think I'm getting a little better.

Love,
Natalie

The Last

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I came back today from vacation and my dad told me that one of the pastors at the church me and my brother work at called and said that we were no longer needed at the daycare.

The thing is, we were just there last week and have worked there for a year previously. The pastor said their elders had decided they only wanted to have people from their church working there, but the only reason we were there was because they didn't have enough people willing to help.

It doesn't bother me that they want people from that church to work there, I understand that, it's church politics. But the fact that the person who "hired" us didn't feel like she should call or e-mail to let us know this or even talk to us last week about it is what bothers me.

We could've still been on vacation had we been told this previously.

I don't know I've been feeling like I wanted to cry since I left the house we were staying in for vacation and headed back home and little things have set me off on that feeling again.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I hope it will go away soon. I hate feeling this way. Like anything will make me cry and having to hold everything back.

Life is feeling pretty sucky right now. Hope it gets better soon.

Love,
Natalie

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I go online a lot and the thing I most see is something that really disturbs me. There are so many people who will bully people online and say that they should kill themselves. And I don't think anyone has the right to tell someone that.

I try to imagine what it would feel like to have someone say that to my face and it would be just devastating. That's what I always think about when I type out a comment for anything online. "Would I say this to their face?" or "How would I feel if someone said this to me?"

Maybe that's just something I feel like I have to do. I would feel responsible if I said something mean to someone and because of that they decided they weren't worthy to live. No one has the right to make anyone feel that way.

Something else that needs to be remembered is, some people don't take criticism or people being rude well. Some are thick skinned, but there are those out there who aren't. I tend to think, "well this wouldn't hurt my feelings so why would it hurt there's?" It could hurt them anyway, because not everyone can let an insult roll of their back like others.

Being aware and thinking before typing out your immediate response is important to me. I feel like I need to say what I have to say in the best way possible. So, if that means typing out my initial reaction and then deleting the whole thing and starting from scratch after a while to think about it, that's what I would do. Being rash can make for some terrible decisions that could've been avoided.

So, just think about what your going to say/type next time you feel the need to share an opinion. Try and be civil and see the other sides perspective. It's something we learned in kindergarten, but sometimes we need to remind ourselves how important it is to be respectful of others.

Love,
Natalie

Monday, October 15, 2012

Me and my best friend were texting the other day and we were talking about how we always feel like were different form everyone else around us.

She said that she felt like something was wrong with her because she never felt the need to talk to someone all the time and that she would rather read or listen to music than hang out with friends.

But, I totally knew what she meant. I knew because that's how I feel. I told her that it's because we're different and we don't feel the need to be accepted by everyone around us. We don't need everyone to love us to be happy. Because the things we do, make us happy. And even if everyone else doesn't understand, it's okay, because you are happy.

This is what I think is important to know. Just because someone doesn't need to have everyone hanging onto their every word, it doesn't mean they don't need someone to be there when they do need someone to listen.

I know that being an introvert is hard for some people to understand and accept. But I also think that without people being introverts, this world would be a little worse off. It's okay to not want to go out and be with friends all the time, you're allowed to want to be alone sometimes.

Because not everyone has the same personality. Everyone is different and that's okay. Be yourself and be proud of that.

Love,
Natalie

Sunday, October 14, 2012

You know I've been thinking. I may not be the most amazing dancer or go to the best dance scool out there, but I do have the most amazing group of people to dance with.

It's something I take advantage of at time, I know this. But, it's also something that I love. Maybe being a part of this amazing family group has changed the way I view other things. I see the way I interact with other people and I have come to realize I want people to feel the way I do. I want them to feel like no matter where they go, there is always going to be somewhere to come back to.

I know that even if my parents move away, my friends forget me, I'll always have this part of me to go back to. This love and this place that always makes me feel safe. And no matter how far I go, I'll always ave this ting to make me feel like I'm back at home. Because dance is something that will never change.

It is going to be the same, forever. It's never going to leave me and it's never going to give up on me. I'll always be able to run back to it, when I'm scared and when I need something that feels comfortable. Something that feels like home.

Because that's what being a part of this family is, it's having somewhere to go, no matter what. It's somewhere that will always welcome you back. I know this is something I will always have, because I will always have a heart of a dancer.

And that's something you can't take away.

Love,
Natalie

Saturday, October 13, 2012

It’s Okay To Be Weak Sometimes | Thought Catalog

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Why don't we vote for vice president? You know, I feel like we should.

When given an option between two people to run our country we can decide who we want for the "main" person, but we can't choose who we want to help that person. There have been a lot of times where a person running for president has had a running mate that you don't want to also have the power that the vice president will have. Then there are people who are great vice president candidates, but their running mate isn't that great.

It feels like if we were able to vote for the candidate we want then people would want to vote more. Because if they don't like the person running with the candidate they want as president, but they like the other one, then they would be more likely to vote. They would have more options.

It seems like with our rights and freedoms we should be able to choose who is going to help run our country for four to eight years.

Maybe it would end up choosing the lesser of two evils, which is what a lot of people think when they vote, but maybe it would also show the candidates abilities and how they plan on helping fix the problems we are having.

I just feel like if we are going to vote on our leader, we might as well be able to vote for the second in command too.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Getting Better

It may seem scary, but talk to someone. I promise it will get better. I've felt like this and finding someone to talk to about your pain and your feelings, really does make you feel better.

I love you and keep fighting.

Love,
Natalie

Saturday, September 29, 2012

How To Feel Okay | Thought Catalog

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I don't know why, and feel free to just ignore this post, but I have been in a crappy mood all day today and I can't seem to shake it. I woke up early this morning in a terrible mood and I was tired and cold and that's never a good combo for me, but I figured it'd go away after I had gotten a shower and some caffeine. But that didn't help.

I went to work (at a daycare) and small, whiny children and me in a bad mood, not a good combo. I was so irritated the time I left there I probably would've screamed at someone if they said the wrong thing.

Then I had to come home and do my school work, which wasn't too bad until I got to geometry and that just totally sucked and made me even more upset. And when I was trying to do history I was so tired I started to fall asleep because all I was doing was reading.

I got online then and my day was getting better, but then when I was getting ready to leave for supper with my family I had to go get changed for dance and couldn't find anything and I was running late and I needed to go by the library, which closed at 6:00, but had to meet my mom at the restaurant at 5:20, so I was angry I couldn't go to the library.

Then at dance tonight the "group" I'm in literally spent 10 minutes on our part of the dance while the other "group" spent like 25 minutes on theirs and we had all the new people. And then when we were doing the new part I ask if these steps are right, my teacher says they ARE, then when that's what me and everyone else in my group does, she yells and says that isn't right! I mean shouldn't she have said so in the first place.

It just irritates me to no end when people say one thing, but that's not exactly what they mean. And the fact that the other people in my group except one, doesn't take this dance serious at all and it's for our recital and it has a lot of meaning to it.

So, I just feel like yeah, I'm probably over reacting, but I also feel like they should have a little respect for the meaning behind the song and what it will mean to other people when they see it performed. But they are too busy worried about things at school that in my opinion, are petty and stupid and easily fixed.

I know this was probably really boring and if you read all the way through I'm sorry, but I just needed to get this out and I didn't want to tell someone, so I thought I'd write it here.

Love,
Natalie

This Is Why You’re My Best Friend | Thought Catalog

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

What makes someone a role model? I know for myself I have a lot of people I look up to. They range from being close friends and family to people I've never actually met, but have gotten to know online. All these people have one thing in common. Some part of their personality, character, etc. have inspired me to become a better person. They've helped me realize it's okay to be a little weird and to like what I do and I should be proud of who I am because there is no one else out there exactly like me.

Now these people also have been "chosen" by me as people I admire. They are people who I think are amazing and are someone I'd want to be like eventually. I think it's important that you choose someone to be your mentor. They are people who are willing to give you advice, even if it's going to hurt to hear because it's needed at that time. These peoples task is to be a good example and to be honest, even if it is hard.

Being someones mentor is hard, but I also think it's something that is worth the pain. You have the ability to shape this person's life and that's scary, but it also means that person trusts you enough to give you that sort of influence. Being a "good" mentor ha different connotations to different people and it has a lot to do with the type of person you are, but all I know is everyone I look up to has the ability to be open and honest about themselves and they are proud of who they are and what they are feeling.

That's what I think is important to a mentor, someone who is willing to be honest about how they feel, so you feel safe telling them how you feel.Being honest is important in any relationship just like trust.

I hope you have at least one person you can go to and trust with your feelings and secrets, because keeping them hidden isn't healthy. That's why these people are important. They help you figure out who you want to become and how to trust.

Love,
Natalie

Monday, September 24, 2012

I Like Your Flaws | Thought Catalog

Sunday, September 23, 2012

2012 Louder Than a Bomb: Omaha Finals (playlist)

Monday, September 17, 2012

I'm terrified of going to college in two years. It's like this thought in the back of my mind that never really goes away. "What if I don't get into the college I want to go to," "Will I be able to get through my anxiety and function." But the thing is I don't want to be stuck in the same place forever, but leaving is hard to even think about.

I've lived in the same place since I was born and I've only been to church camp without my parents for a week. I've never gone somewhere far away that I wasn't at least with some family. And all the people I know live here and I'm not like super shy or anything, but I am a person who is quiet until I get comfortable around new people.

The thought of going somewhere where I don't know anyone is mind-boggling. I've always had someone with me, no matter where I went, that I knew. I always had a person I could go to if I was feeling down or just needed to vent, but going somewhere where you don't know anyone you no longer have a person to run to that you can tell about your horrible first days.

I know I don't want to be that person who never got out of their small town to explore the world, but I also know that with my anxiety and the way I stress myself out over miniscule things, I'm bound to have some anxiety. I just need to learn how to control it. Because I'm not going to let it ruin my life and I'm going to go to amazing places one day. I hope I can live up to my expectations and I hope I'm able to let go of this "fear," which it isn't a feeling of fear, it's a feeling of "what if?" And I don't like what if's I like to know exactly what's going to happen, but life isn't like that and you have to roll with the punches and see what God has planned.And I know that whatever happens, I'm going to be okay. I just have to start believing it.

Love,
Natalie

The Best Moments | Thought Catalog

Sunday, September 16, 2012

As I keep looking through my tumblr I see these things that really make me upset. One recently is one of a girl complaining that she isn't pretty and he friend disagreeing and then the girl listing all the reasons she isn't pretty. And that just pisses me off. They're stupid things like "Oh, I only get text messages from my parents," and "I don't get likes on my pictures I put on Facebook."

The thing is, there are SO many worse things in the world. So what if you don't get a million texts a day (and if you did I bet you'd be annoyed by that.) and so what if you get hundreds of likes on a picture, Facebook likes don't determine what you're worth.

Besides, why would you want to be friends with someone who is constantly worrying about how they look and how other people perceive them. It becomes annoying after a while. You don't have to be perfect to find that one person you're meant for. Because when you find each other, you'll not notice all the things that are make them "ugly," you'll only notice the good things and they'll only notice your good things.

I hope people don't honestly think that just because some one says something mean about them that everyone is going to forever remember them like that, because most likely, they're not. Most likely if you talk to your friends you'll realize how much you actually mean to them and that it doesn't matter if you have the latest clothes or are the "pretty" friend. What matters is that you're interesting and intelligent and a caring person.

No on wants to be remembered as the person who cared about how they looked all the time when they leave their school, (at least I wouldn't want to.), but people will remember your actions. So make those count.

And remember that just because you don't think you're pretty it doesn't mean that no one is ever going to love you and you're going to be alone forever, because you're not. You're going to find the right person at the right time and everything is going to work out.

Love,
Natalie

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Shame

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Taylor Swift - Ronan - Stand Up 2 Cancer

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Friendship at its Core (by @mikefalzone)

Monday, September 3, 2012

You know what's weird? When you're younger and have sibling you NEVER get along. But it's become apparent to me lately that as you get older you and your siblings either become closer or you stay about the same.

Now I have two brothers. One is older and has just gone off to college this year. We use to never get along and at times this is still true, but those times are much more rare. We have become much closer, and I think it's because as I've gotten older I've developed the same sort of sense of humor and the same sort of personality as him. We are a lot a like and we like a lot of the same things, so we have become closer because of this.

I also have a twin brother. We aren't as close as you would expect twins to be I guess. We are just very different. We like different things and we have different personalities and that's what I believe makes us not as close. This doesn't mean that I don't like him or anything like that, I just don't have as much to talk or share with him.

But I think as we continue to get older and grow up we will have a chance to become closer to each other and learn more about each other that we don't know. Because there is always something we can learn about our family.

So, I hope you guys take some time and spend it with your siblings when you can. Let them know you care because it'll matter to them, even if it doesn't seem like it.

Love,
Natalie

Thursday, August 30, 2012

What It Means To Be A Best Friend | Thought Catalog

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

21 Life Lessons, Courtesy Of Twitter | Thought Catalog

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye "When Love Arrives"

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

It's been a while since I've actually sat down and write something here and to be honest, I haven't been in the mood to write about anything. It's not that nothing has been going on, it's just that nothing I write seems good enough to be posted. So, I take all the blame. I probably shouldn't be so critical, but I just feel like if it's going to be out there it should be it's best.

I wish I had something amazing to write about, but I don't really. My life's actually been pretty boring lately, with schoolwork, regular work, and life. Nothing really amazing to tell you about. So, I'm just going to tell you about my life recently. (It's okay if you want to stop reading, I expect this to be boring.)

I've worked at a science museum for month with their summer camp and this is their last week, so it's kind of crazy, but this is my second year working there and I love it. And I'm getting an actual paying job there as soon as I finish volunteering and some paperwork is figured out, which is exciting! (It'll be my first job.) My dance classes have started back and I'm SO glad for that. It's amazing what something like that can mean to you when you don't have it as a way to express yourself and get away from the world. My older brother has gone off to college and he was having a hard time to begin with, but he's gotten used to it and is loving it and I've gotten used to him not being around anymore. I have school work I have to do Monday-Friday and as a Sophomore in high school it's gotten harder and I'm not even doing the "full load" yet. That starts after the volunteer job ends.

So, that's what my life's been for the past couple weeks. I'm going to try and post more, but I make no promises.

Love <3,
Natalie

Monday, August 20, 2012

What It Means To Be Young | Thought Catalog

Saturday, August 18, 2012

8-Bit Cartoon: Depression | Thought Catalog

Thursday, August 16, 2012

You Can’t Be An Atheist | Thought Catalog

I Could Love You | Thought Catalog

It Sucks Being Guarded And Difficult To Love | Thought Catalog

Sunday, August 12, 2012

You know after reading this and really thinking about it, I'm still not sure how I feel about that day. I know it's going to be here and it's going to be very weird and scary and a shocking reality when it happens, but I also know I have three years of high school and then four years or more of college.

The other thing is that some of these are things that are much easier to handle than others. Like you know you're favorite musicians aren't always going to be making music, it's just a fact, so that's easier to accept than not seeing your friends everyday like you have been that past eighteen years plus of your life. I also feel like some of these are avoidable or preventable like forgetting all the amazing times with old friends, you don't have to forget old times to enjoy and make memories with new friends, and even not speaking to your best friend everyday is something you can prevent if you put in the effort to talk to one another.

There are some that I don't want to think about and sort of refuse to think about, like my parents not always being around, I refuse to accept that fact at the moment and will continue to disregard that until absolutely necessary. And the fact that life will change and that change is inevitable as a person grows and learns about themselves and others, it's a scary fact and something I don't like thinking about because it brings up other things I don't want to think about. Also, the fact one day I will no longer go to a school of any sort is kind of scary because all of my life has been about school and doing things for school and what do you do when you don't have school to occupy your time? Is it like summer all the time? I mean, I know you have to get a job at some point, but when does that time come? How long should you give yourself?

I don't know the answer to these questions, but hopefully someday I will and if I do and I'm still writing, I'll let you know what I've learned.

So, Good Luck to those whose life's are no longer the same. It seems kind of scary, yet exciting.

Love,
Natalie

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Heavy Memory

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Everyone's going back to school in the next few days/weeks and it's brought back some memories. I love school, okay. I always have and probably always will. I love getting new clothes for school and new shoes and the smell of new school supplies. Meeting new people and getting to see old friends was always a highlight as well.

The things is, it seems as we get older school gets less exciting and a lot more like a job. It becomes more tedious. Now, I know what you're thinking, "but you're home schooled, school can't be that bad for you." And it's not, school has never been bad for me, but it's still hard. And I'm pretty sure it's still going to get harder. But that's okay because I like challenges.

So many people have posted about their first day back at school and it being their first day of high school or their senior year and I'm going to be a sophomore, but seeing these people I've known since kindergarten talk about their first day of high school makes me feel old. And that's sad and scary. Because on day it's going to be me talking about my first day of college and I'm not ready for that.

For me school has been and will always be a place that I associate certain things with. Like the refusal of taking a nap in kindergarten and then really wanting it back in first grade. My first grade teacher assistant reading the Mary-Kate and Ashley Adventure series and us always getting to make a cool snack on Fridays if we were good. In second grade when we had a lock down and we got to skip Saxon for the day. (It was pretty awesome!) Third grade we had an end of the year party at a church picnic area and we played water games and all sorts of different games. And fourth grade, the last grade I was at a public school, was definitely a favorite. I had an awesome teacher and that year was just so amazing it's hard to pick one thing that stands out.

My time at school will always have a special place in my heart and I will always look back on it with fond memories and remember the amazing teachers, friends, and everyone else I met while I was there.

Love,
Natalie

Saturday, August 4, 2012

I'm one who has always grown up with extended family around and I've never been one to think it's odd to have this close relationship with a cousin or another extended family member. But I've realized at this point that I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have such an amazing family, who love me ad will ALWAYS love me no matter how bad I screw up ad how awesome it is to have cousins who you are don't talk to once a year at a family reunion.

I'm also lucky I have a family that has a family reunion. I'm lucky my family can put aside differences and come together even just once a year. I'm lucky I have a family who is willing to travel far if they have to just for a weekend to visit family.

My family may not be the most normal, and they may be kind of crazy, but they are still MY family and I care about them as much as they care about me. And sometimes I forget there are all these people out there that are connected to me in some way and you know what? Those people that are your blood aren't your only family.

Trust me, I have a lot of different families. I have a church family, a dance studio family, a family of school friends, and my blood family. Now, this may seem like too many families, too may people to care about, but the amazing thing is that a lot of these people are in two or three of these groups. The people you grow up with, whether a blood family member or a member of another family, they begin to feel as if they are your blood family. And that's how I feel it should be.

So, I want to thank all those who are my family, who care about me ad put up with my craziness, Thank You and I Love You.

Love,
Natalie

Friday, August 3, 2012

37 Things You Don’t Need To Be Sorry About | Thought Catalog

Monday, July 30, 2012

I just saw this post on Facebook that is asking people to comment and like and re-post if they would do certain things if this person had died and that really bothered me. It's the fact that someone feels the need to put up something like that because they don't know who really cares about them and who really matters in their life. I don't know, to me it's a scary thought to think someone doesn't know/think they have people in their lives who care enough to go to their funeral if they die.

Having said that, I know most of the people you meet in high school will not be your friend in the years to come, especially when people go off to college and experience the world. So, the people in your life who care are forever changing with only a few constants, like your family, those few amazing friends you can always count on, and those mentors you meet as you get older. Those are the people that matter, they are the people you should want to come to your funeral.

If I were able to plan my own funeral I would make sure people who really knew me and cared about me were there and that it wasn't a sad day. I don't think funerals should be sad. I want mine to be happy and to celebrate my (long) life. I have said that no one is allowed to wear anything but bright colors to my funeral and they are only allowed to play happy songs and share good and funny memories.

That's what I feel a funeral should be, a celebration of a life. I forget who said it, but someone said "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." And I feel like that's an amazing way to live a life. So, I plan to smile because it happened!

Love,
Natalie

You Should Talk About Going To Therapy | Thought Catalog

Sunday, July 29, 2012

19 Pieces Of Advice You’ll Need To Make It Through Your 20s | Thought Catalog

Saturday, July 28, 2012

There's a blog out there called onehelloworld.com and it's amazing. I really think everyone should look it up and just listen to a few of the recordings on there because it definitely made me think about the things I did when I talked to other people.

This website takes phone calls from people and writes music for them, and then posts them online for others to listen to. It's a way for people to express how they feel and still be anonymous and not have anyone judge them.

I love this site and think it's amazing what they are doing for people who need a way to release these pent up feelings. So, if you want, take a look.

Love,
Natalie

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Having and keeping a best friend is hard as you get older I've come to find out. It's not that the act of being a friend is harder, but the act of taking time out of your life to specifically schedule with this other person can be hard. Since I am home schooled and don't have the regular time that teenagers usually have to spend with other teenagers I have to actively seek it. And sometimes all you want to do is sit at home and do nothing.

The thing is that I think this has made finding good friends even easier to find. Because it takes effort to be friends with someone you know you won't see everyday at school. It takes someone to truly want to be your friend to stick by you when you aren't the easiest person to hang out with.

Trust me I know I'm not the most interesting or entertaining person and I don't have all these stories about school, but I do have amazing friends. I have friends I can talk to about anything, even if it's been a while since we last spoke. And sure, most of our communication is online or through text of some sort, but it still gets the job done. And on those occasions where we do get to see each other it's even better.

I haven't been spoilt by thinking I'll always have hundreds of friends and they'll all care about me equally, like some people seem to think. I know that's not how the world works, but that's okay because as long as I have my few good friends and my family I know I can get through anything.

What about you? What have you learned from your friends?

Love,
Natalie

I Want To Go Back To Summer Camp | Thought Catalog

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Let’s Remember What’s Really Important | Thought Catalog

Monday, July 23, 2012

10 Moments That Make A Best Friendship | Thought Catalog

Sunday, July 22, 2012

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Just choosing one piece of advice is hard, but I think it would be to never pre-judge someone. Never make up your mind about how you feel about someone until you have met them and gotten to know them, because they may surprise you.

This is something I feel like a lot of people need to remember. Just because someone looks a certain way doesn't mean that's how they are going to act. I know it's hard to not make these judgements at times especially in a society where everyone is judged by what they wear and how they look.

I try and remember this when I'm meeting new people and catch myself making judgments on them before I've even talked to them. I know I wouldn't want someone to judge me before meeting me so I try and not judge someone else before I've met them.

When you've made up your made and project that idea onto those people they begin to reflect it. So, even if you do make judgements, try and be positive, because people are only as good as they believe people think they are.

Love,
Natalie

Friday, July 20, 2012

This Is What You Get For Falling Out Of Love | Thought Catalog

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Why You Aren’t Chasing Your Dreams | Thought Catalog

Monday, July 16, 2012

Crying Is Awesome | Thought Catalog

Thursday, July 12, 2012

25 Things I Realized In College | Thought Catalog

Monday, July 9, 2012

What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Something | Thought Catalog

Sometimes life can be amazing and wonderful. Other times it can really suck. And right now it's really sucking. It seems like if anything can go wrong it is and that's definitely not something I tend to believe. I always try to think on the bright side and think if all the amazing things in my life, but it's kind of hard at this point.

I don't know what to do to get over this really. Usually at some point I just snap out of it, and I'm hoping that's going to happen, but I don't know of a certain way of getting over this feeling.

What about you? How are you and how do you get over these feelings?

New Rules For 2012 | Thought Catalog

New Rules For 2012 | Thought Catalog

#10 is my favorite. Which is yours?

Thank You For Being There | Thought Catalog

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Where Does Love Go When It Dies? | Thought Catalog

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Worrying

I worry about things in my life that I have no control over. At times this can be a problem. The act of worrying and stressing myself out over something can at times make me sick. It doesn't happen as often anymore, but it does still happen at times. Especially if there's a major change in my life or anything like that.

I've found ways to help myself not to worry and stress. Listening to music and even reading a book helps me relax and not think of whatever has me upset for the time being. Talking to someone about what I"m feeling helps and is definitely something I'd recommend to anyone having the same problem. Just make sure you can trust the person you're talking to. And even writing down what you're feeling in a journal helps to get out the feelings you might be bottling up.

It's an anxiety disorder that not many people talk about, but that a lot of people have and are ashamed of. So, if you ever feel upset or stressed or worried about something, find a way to express yourself, it WILL make you feel better. I'll be here to talk to anyone who needs someone to listen.

Love,
Natalie

25 Things That Are Hard To Accept In 2012 | Thought Catalog

A Letter To My College-Age Self | Thought Catalog

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Reasons You Might Be Crying | Thought Catalog

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I’m An Adult (But I’m Still A Kid Inside) | Thought Catalog

Monday, June 25, 2012

Why You Should Get Drunk Right Now | Thought Catalog

When It’s Time To Go | Thought Catalog

10 Things They Should Have Taught Us In Sex Ed | Thought Catalog

Friday, June 22, 2012

A Guide To Being Alone Without Being Lonely | Thought Catalog

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Rives: "If I controlled the Internet" (a poem)

Dare to Suck

How To Get Over A Broken Heart | Thought Catalog

Being Me

I've made the decision to not care what anyone thinks of me anymore. I'm going to "let my freak flag fly" and be myself. Because it's true when people say if you can't be yourself around someone then they're not your true friend.

Love,
Natalie

Who Cares What Your Stupid Friends Think? | Thought Catalog

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Sticks And Stones May Break Our Bones, But Words Get People Killed | Thought Catalog

Friday, June 15, 2012

How Long Should You Wait? | Thought Catalog

No One To Say “Goodnight” To | Thought Catalog

No One To Say “Goodnight” To | Thought Catalog

Goodnight
Love,
Natalie

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Joy Cannot Exist Without Pain | Thought Catalog

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Traveling Alone | Thought Catalog

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

You Are Beautiful

Have you ever just looked at a picture of yourself and felt terrible or felt beautiful, because I have. I feel like this may be a common thing among girls, but it's something that everyone will struggle with. No matter how old or young, your gender, or how confident you may be, there will most likely be a time in your life when you feel like you are ugly. That time for me is now.

Of course in the back of my mind I know this is untrue and I have all these amazing friends and family around me telling me how pretty I am and how thin, but the only things I can see are the things that make me stand out and be different from the preconceived notion of what is "pretty." I have a million freckles, frizzy, curly hair, my stomach sticks out a little, and I have large lips. None of these are bad things and none of them I hate, in fact a times I love them, but at other times I find them to be annoying and bothersome.

So, What I want you take take form this I guess is that it's okay to be insecure about things, in fact I'm pretty sure it's human nature, but I want to you to also know that you don't need to change the way you look just because someone doesn't like you. They don't deserve you if they want you to change and I know that's hard to follow through on and that sometimes those people who want to change us make us feel really special, but after you change they won't want you because you'll have become a different person.

It's hard to be true to oneself with so many things telling you this is what's beautiful at the moment, but remember that someone is going to love you flaws. And until you find your perfect someone I'll be here to talk.

Love,
Natalie

Monday, June 11, 2012

Messy Mondays: The Opposite of Love

The Stories We Tell Ourselves | Thought Catalog

That Something Special

You want to know something special about family and those friends who are like family? No matter how many times you say that you hate them and that you wish they wouldn't have ever met is that they know how much you really care for them and that whatever you say to them in anger, they know you don't mean it.

This still doesn't give us a right to be mean to someone we love and care about just because we know they won't get hurt, because the words still hurt. They just won't have the same sting as if you had said it to someone that was just someone that you were an acquaintance of. Some may say words don't hurt, but they tend to stick with someone a lot longer than actions do.

So the next time you're angry at someone think before you say something mean. And make sure that you are ready to take the consequences. Maybe you can change those negative words into something positive.

You’re Alone All The Time | Thought Catalog

Why Are We So Ungrateful? | Thought Catalog

Thank Your Ex | Thought Catalog

Friday, June 8, 2012

Questions For My Future Love | Thought Catalog

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Let Me Grow Old With You | Thought Catalog

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Way It Feels...

It's weird to know that there are these people in your life who are going to be leaving very soon and
i won't see for a year or so. It's also kind of scary to realize that all these people are growing up and getting older, which means I'm growing up and getting older. I didn't sign up for that. I was never going to grow up and I may never, but I will get older and so will everyone else I know.

We'll leave our town to go to college and come back to visit only when we deem necessary. And eventually I believe we'll realize how important our family and our friends we grew up with are to us, because no one is going to know us better than them.

Some days it may feel like all these people are disappearing from your life, but they really aren't. They're just giving you room to meet new people and that's okay. It's okay to get new friends and be happy after someone leaves, they're going to do the same thing.

So, be sad for a little while because you're losing friends, but be happy too because you're gaining an all new group of friends and new life experiences. Remember to look back on your life with some regrets, but to know that maybe not talking to that friend after high school was a good thing, or forgetting that old boyfriend was what was best.

Love,
Natalie

You Are Perfect | Thought Catalog

Monday, June 4, 2012

This Summer Will Be Different | Thought Catalog

This Summer Will Be Different | Thought Catalog
It's scary to know that this is true.

When You Miss Someone Who Lives In A Different State | Thought Catalog

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Be yourself

Everyone is their self, just make make yourself good.

Friday, June 1, 2012

How To Love Your Family « Thought Catalog

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Caitlin Bell - You Know Better (Original)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A Late Night Adventure

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Famous Last Words « Thought Catalog

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Chase That Happy

Saturday, May 19, 2012

I Don’t Want To Go Home « Thought Catalog

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Imagining Stories for People

When I go out somewhere I always like to people watch. Sometimes I'll pick out a couple people and imagine these very elaborate stories of their life, why they were in that store, what they do for a job, and how they would respond in certain situations.

I like to do this because usually when you meet someone that you may have imagined to act a certain way they usually end up surprising you. My theory for this that we (those who make up the stories) are judging that person by the way they look. All we know about this stranger is what we can tell by looking at them.

It definitely shows that judging someone by how they look tends to mean that you will not be right. But it also shows that the way one dresses and acts causes people to think of them in different ways. I'm sure there are a lot of other reasons out there, but this is what I think about.

What about you?

Love,
Natalie

20 Ways To Improve Graduation Ceremonies « Thought Catalog

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Things I Wonder Now That You’re Gone « Thought Catalog

Monday, May 14, 2012

Messy Mondays: My Spiritual High Is Higher than Yours

God is love, but love is terrifying. <3

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Alysia Harris - Death Poem

A Happy Poem.

Alysia Harris - Joy

Friday, May 11, 2012

How Are You?

This is a question asked to everyone, usually as a formality and we usually answer with a very simple answer to continue with the conversation. But what if everyone answered this question with the truth?

For me, right now, my true answer would be that I don't really know how I am. I guess I'm waiting for something, but can't quite figure out what that something is, so I just keep waiting. Now, That would be hard to explain, and I don't want to burden someone with my problem.

Most of the time I can forget that feeling or push it away to the back of my mind, but when I began to think about things I get this overwhelming sense that something is missing. And I don't really know what I can do to find the thing that is missing, but I'm trying.

At some point though I know that I'll find that missing thing and become a happier person for it.

So, How are you?

Love,
Natalie

When It Feels Right « Thought Catalog

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Things My Mother Couldn’t Teach Me « Thought Catalog

Things My Mother Couldn’t Teach Me « Thought Catalog

I'm glad to say these are things my mother has taught me.

How I feel about overusing the word love

Now I know it's been a while, but I was just thinking about this the other day and thought I would put it out there.

So, I've come to realize that we use the word love to describe so many things. We love our family, our friends, our significant other (if you have one), and we even use it to describe material things like food and clothes. If you really think about it the way we love these things are very different. I don't love my favorite shirt like I love my friends and I won't love my husband (when/ if I have one) like I love my favorite food.

The English language is the only language that has one word to use for love. Every other language in the world has at least two that can be used to describe the different types of love that are felt for things. I don't know if this means we should be more careful with what we say we love or if we should figure out a new way to sow our love for things that don't necessarily deserve the love reserved for our families, friends, etc.

I don't know what I wanted to get out of this or how I want to "fix" this, but maybe at some point I'll be able to tell you that I've figured out how to determine the difference.

I compare this to using the word need in place of want, I guess what we need to do is start replacing the word love with the word like in front of material things that give us the love we need and want back.

Because sometimes that's all we need is to know we have someone who love us and cares about us.

Love,
Natalie

When Nothing Makes Sense « Thought Catalog

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Trying To Figure Out What’s Important « Thought Catalog

Saturday, April 28, 2012

When Did Everything Change? « Thought Catalog

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Who Is Your Unicorn? « Thought Catalog

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

How Many Times Should You Say “I Love You?” « Thought Catalog

Monday, April 23, 2012

The Case For Longhand Letter Writing « Thought Catalog

Friday, April 20, 2012

The magic button — Make Everything OK

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Courage

Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage.--We Bought A Zoo

This quote has sort of become my mantra. I look at as saying if you have courage for those twenty seconds you will have started something that you may have been too afraid to do otherwise. And once you start it, you will finish it. (Even if it's a little later than you expect.)

Like once you get the courage up to tell someone how they've hurt you, then you will be able to start healing from the wounds.

But the hardest part is getting up the courage to be able to face that person whose hurt you, because you put up a shield to protect yourself after someone hurts you. To the point where you can begin to block out people who want to help you and people who genuinely care about you. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between those who are going to hurt you and those who care about you.

That's the point where you have to trust in yourself and remember that it's okay to make mistakes and that's how you learn in life.

Love,
Natalie

Forget “No Regrets,” How About “Some Regrets”? « Thought Catalog

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

37 Things I Know At 37 « Thought Catalog

37 Things I Know At 37 « Thought Catalog

Important things to know as I get older.

Also, I have a tumblr now so yeah. http://goingtohellforthis.tumblr.com/

Monday, April 16, 2012

It's okay to not be okay, right?

I bean to think last night about how many people say that it's okay to not be okay. Which is a true sentiment, but it's also false during this day and time that we live in.

We are expected to always be happy and okay. But that's not how life goes.

One of the hardest things in life is to tell someone that you're not okay. The pressure put on us to always be fine is pushed to the point where when something is wrong it feels like we have to hide it from everyone and take care of it ourselves or we'll be seen as weak. But some things we can't take care of by ourselves. Some things have to be shared with others or they eat away at you until you crack.

These things are the hardest things to tell someone about. It's betrayals, depression, anger, and things like that. They are the emotions that people are taught to hide and to keep to themselves because they are bad things to feel. But because they are the "bad" feelings they are the ones that need to be shared the most, because they won't just disappear.

It's the same with the emotions on the other end of the spectrum too like love, happiness, and joy. They demand to be felt and shared because they are so powerful. These are easier to share though because they are happier and you don't feel the guilt that accompanies sharing a bad feeling.

That's why everyone needs someone to confide in. Everyone needs their four a.m. that they can call when they wake up and fell like the world is crashing down on them. Because at some point everyone feels like that and everyone's going to need someone to talk to about it because it'll just get worse if the feeling of dread or despair isn't shared.

Life's not easy and things are going to be hard sometimes, but if you trust in God and you have good friends and family there's nothing you can't do.

Love,
Natalie

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Why You’re Beautiful « Thought Catalog

Friday, March 30, 2012

The Wounding part 2

When we push aside God he still pursues us because he still has hope and will always care for us.

When you're wounded there's a temptation to let them define us, but we shouldn't let them. God uses our pain to reconnect us to him. Even when you're wounded God is still using you in his plans. Everyone will be wounded and it could scar you for the rest of your life, but there's a reason that God's putting you through it.

You can't ignore you're wounds or be afraid of the pain, you have to keep living. We need to see what defines us and not let our woundings define us. The only way out is to refuse to let our wounds define us and find something else to define you.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

What Happens When You Die « Thought Catalog

What Happens When You Die « Thought Catalog

This is a pretty gut-wrenching, thought provoking article. I think it's definitely worth reading even if you haven't lost someone close to you.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Wounding

Tonight we talked about being wounded during youth.

There are many ways that we are wounded: physically, mentally, and spiritually are the main three. And there is a high probability you have had at least one of these happen to you.

A physical wound is easily recognized like a bike crash, or on a more serious side cancer. These wounds (the extreme ones) are usually questioned ie: Why did this person get cancer? Why did they die? and so on. But the others are sometimes harder to spot and harder to understand.

A mental wound is a lot harder to recognize than a physical one, mostly because it doesn't usually show on the body. Mental wounds include mental illnesses and other wounds that go with that. They can very detrimental to the people who have them and they tend to become disengaged with the world.

The final wound, a spiritual wound, is probably the hardest to fix. This wound is one where you feel as if God has deserted you and that you have been left to fix your problems alone. This one's hard to fix because most people become depressed during this time and they don't want to share with their faithful friend that they have begun to question their beliefs and need someone to talk to about it.

People begin to disengage themselves after they've been wounded in anyway, but what we have to remember is that God was wounded so many times by us and He has never deserted us.

When you become disengaged you tend to push people away and you could push them to the edge. If you push them to the edge you need to be prepared to pull them back. To do this you first need to ask God's guidance and then you need to go apologize to that person and be prepared to listen to their side of the story and see how they felt.

Why is it tempting to follow your own direction rather than God's?

Here is my answer, but everyone has their own opinion.

It's easier to follow our own direction because it isn't set. We can shape our rules when we mess up, but God's rules are never going to change, they are always going to stay the same and they may be hard to follow at times, but they are there for a reason.

Love,
Natalie

Sunday, March 11, 2012

I might look normal

click for more

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Kony 2012

Everyone's been talking about the Kony 2012 movement.

It's an obvious important cause, but it's also hard to ignore the fact that this isn't the only place in the world where they have this problem and that the group supporting this has a less than great reputation. And when you look at the facts you can see that they could've been doing a lot more, if the funds went where they were supposed to go.

There's also the fact that you're seeing all these people from different places in the world supporting this one cause, hopefully because they truly care about it. It's nice to know that when something terrible is happening somewhere people are willing to come together and help. Sometimes we forget that not everyone is safe when they go to sleep at night and the campaign also shows the power of the internet and how people suddenly became hyper aware of this situation when it was posted online to different sites.

So, what I think is that this is definitely something that needs to be known and that needs to have peoples support, but the non-profit supporting it does seem to have a questionable stance on where their money and anything else they get for their cause is going to. Basically the cause is a good one, but the backing organization is not one I would want to be giving money to.

Love,
Natalie

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

When did you realize life is short?

When did you realize life is short?

I probably realized this several times, but it became very obvious when I heard one of my best friends had tried to kill herself. That was a real wake up call for me, I guess is what you'd say. It was the point when I realized that I need to tell people the things that matter when I think them, because if I don't they could never know. It was also the point that I realized that life was fragile and that it took very little to take it away.

I didn't really know what to think for a while and all I really hoped for was that she would be okay. She got better and is doing better, but being depressed is something that doesn't just disappear. And it's a scary thought that it could be possible that one day she or anyone else I know could become so depressed that they want to take their life and that they would be successful.

That's the reason I believe you need to tell people what you think about them and that you really care about them because it could be what saves them. Even a simple smile at a stranger could save them. I heard this story that a man who jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge had written a note that said "if anyone smiles at me on my way there I will not jump." But no one smiled at him, so he jumped. Truthfully, I don't know if it's a true story, but it definitely seems like it is and it's so preventable.

What about you? When did you realize life was short?

Love,
Natalie

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Books

Hello, it's been a while and I don't really have much to say, but I wanted to talk about my favorite author today and some of the books he's written.

His name is John Green and he is an amazing writer. His books are beautiful and so well written. The stories he tells are, for lack of a better word, amazing and his way with words leaves me breathless at times.

My favorite one is his newest book called The Fault In Our Stars. It's about a girl named Hazel and a boy named Augustus who both have cancer, but it's not a "cancer book." The story is about Hazel and Augustus falling in love and going to see their favorite author who live in Amsterdam and oblivion and how life is never fair and that always doesn't last forever and sometimes it's better to just be okay.

The word okay sort of became their mantra like couples use the word always, because they knew they may not have an always. And Hazel was also worried about what would happen if she died. In her words she didn't want to be a grenade and destroy everything she loved when she finally went off. All Augustus wanted was to be remembered. He wanted to leave his mark on the world.

Another of my favorites is Paper Towns. There's a quote from this book I really love which is, "Look at all these paper people in this paper town." To me it's basically about how the place you're from eventually begins to seem so fake and sometimes you just have to get out before you get sucked in.

The last one I want to talk about is Looking for Alaska. I've recently started to re-read this and it's a book that has a really great meaning behind it. My favorite quote from this book is "I am going to take this bucket of water and pour it on the flames of hell, and then I am going to use this torch to burn down the gates of paradise so that people will not love God for want of heaven or fear of hell, but because He is God." This book to me is about dealing with grief and how life can change in the blink of an eye.

There are several more books written by him and they are just as great, but these are my three favorite. His books are very meaningful and they require you to think while reading them, which I think is one of the best things about them. The books have so many amazing quotes in them that apply to a lot of different situations and that's another reason why I love them. They're the type of books you can read over and over again and still be excited about the ending.

Love,
Natalie

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Don't worry

Don’t hurry, don’t worry. You’re only here for a short visit. So be sure to stop and smell the flowers.
Walter Hagen

Friday, February 17, 2012

You Are Beautiful - Mike Young Spoken Word

Remember you are beautiful, because God made you this way.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

One of those moments

Have you ever had one of those moments, when you begin to wonder if you die at that point in time, who would miss you? Who would be at your funeral and would they mean it when they cried?

I find them to be interesting questions, which may say something about me. But the thought that there will be people who cry over people's death that never told that person they loved them. And maybe they really didn't, if they couldn't say it out loud to that person.

And after reading an amazing, life-changing book this quote has stuck with me, "I have decided that funerals are for the living." And to be honest, this is what I tend to think. Because after I'm dead I don't really think I'm gonna care if someone comes to look at my body lying in a box. I'd rather have had them see me when I was alive. Funerals are a way to get closure, they're a way for that persons family to know that even if they have died, they will never be forgotten because they have that marker in the ground.

I have this new found love of spoken word poetry and the topics that these artists (because that's what they are) handle and the way they handle them is beautiful and artistic and so much more eloquent than I could ever be. They can express themselves in such an open way and they don't care what other people think. The confidence they go through life with may not transcend into death, but the fact that they can stand up and fight for what they believe and do it in such and eloquent and non-violent way, is amazing and aw-inspiring to me.

And some days there are those moments where you can look at the world through the eyes of a child and see all the wonderful, beautiful things and you wonder why you don't notice them more often. But going through life with child-like wonder is so much better and a lot harder than going through life as a cynic. So, some days I like to take a couple deep breaths, close my eyes, and when I open them again I tell myself that I will no longer let the world have a say in what I do and say and think. I make a point to have that child-like wonder, because when you have that wonder you begin to learn things about the world, yourself, and the people around you that you never would've known otherwise. So, don't let anyone or anything take away that wonder and that love of life that you have inside of you, because there's probably a kid looking up to you and you should probably find a kid to look up. I know there are a couple who are a lot smarter and know a lot more about life than me, and I look up to them.

Love,
Natalie