Sunshine and Clouds

Life's not always sunshine and happiness. Sometimes it's clouds and tears. Sometimes it's anger and fear. Sometimes it's just surviving. Life doesn't always go the way you planned. It doesn't care about your plan. In fact it has a funny way of completely upending your plans and doing its own thing. All you can do is go along.

This may sound terrifying or exhilarating depending on how you live your life. To me, it's terrifying. The unknown is terrifying. The fact that no matter how much you plan and prepare for, there's always the probability that life is going to hit you with the one thing you didn't even think could happen.

Those days of sunshine and happiness make the days of clouds and tears bearable. They make the anger and fear bearable. They make life bearable. And I know what you might be thinking after that sentence, but I want you to know that I have so many days of sunshine and happiness. So many days that are filled with smiles and laughs. Days spent with people  I care about and love. Days that I will remember forever.

Those sunny days might be little things. I know they usually are for me. Whether it's seeing that friend you haven't seen in a while or watching a really good movie on a rainy day, those can be sunny days. It can be cuddling with someone you care about. It can be doing that thing that yo just haven't had the free time to do recently. It can be doing absolutely nothing. A sunny day doesn't have a specific definition. It can be anything. As long as it brings you joy, then it counts as a sunny day.

Those days are important. Especially when the clouds and tears show up. Especially when fear or anger want to take over. Those days of happiness and smiles are important. They help remind you that today might be a bad day and maybe tomorrow will be too, but someday, hopefully soon, life will be better. Life will be happy again. You just have to hold on. You just have to make it until then.

So life might not always be sunshine an happiness. Life might be mostly clouds and tears and anger and fear, but when those sunny days do show up, you'll appreciate them more than ever. Those days help you survive. Those days make life worth all the suffering and the unknowing.

I hope you have days full of sunshine and smiles and laughter with people you care about. I hope that when you do have bad days that these memories help you. Maybe they won't fix the bad day, but at least they'll be there to remind you that things will get better. You deserve as much happiness and sunshine as you can possibly get. So I hope you have years of it. Decades even. Because you deserve it.

Love,
Natalie

Things I Will One Day Tell You

I want to be with you as much as I can. You have a presence about you that makes me feel content and happy and safe whenever you're around. I've never had feelings like these before. Never wanted to be around someone this much. It's scary, but it's also exhilarating and exciting. It's still new and I'm still getting used to the fact that there is someone so amazing out there that likes me as much as I like them. There might be a few things about him that frustrate me, but at the end of the day those don't really matter. He makes me happy. He makes me feel special. He helps me through the bad days and makes them better. Then on the good days, he makes them great. I don't know where we'll be in two weeks or three months much less in a year, but I know where I want us to be. And I think he wants the same thing. Life has a weird way of bringing someone into your life right at the moment you need them most. I know that there is a reason he came into my life when he did and every day it becomes more clear to me. He grounds me. He gets me out of my head. He makes me better, and I'm very grateful for that.  

New Year

So, it's been a while since I've done this whole writing thing. But there isn't any better time to start again than a new year.

I don't know what might happen this year. It's a year of changes really. New experiences, new happiness, new fears, and new adventures. Between graduating high school and going off to college to being able to spend time with a guy who makes me the happiest girl in the world this year has s much going for it already. For the first time in a while I'm really excited to see what this new year has to offer.

I've never been one for making resolutions cause to be honest I'm not that great at sticking to things. But I'm going to try and be more present this year. In everything I do. I'm going to try to live less in my head and try to just lie in the moment. So I can look back at the end of this new year when it comes and recall all of the moments that have made it good. This isn't so much a resolution as it is me trying to change how I live my life.

So here's to a new year full of so much potential and adventure. I hope your new year is the best one yet.

All my love,
Natalie