6/19/13

"Life throws you curve balls." I've always been told that. When something bad would happen, when something unexpected would happen, when life got hard and I didn't think I could get through, I was told this. I didn't understand it, and you know what, I still don't really get it. All I know is this. I'm bad at catch, and life has been throwing curve balls at me for a while and I've been missing them. And it's starting to hurt.

These are the bad days. The days where I don't know what to do. Where I don't want to do anything. I don't know why this happens or what to do about it, but it makes me angry when this happens. Then there are the occasional good days, the days where it seems like nothing can go wrong and that everything is getting better. But then it gets bad again.

It's taken me a while to get used to this. And I'm still not totally okay with it, but I'm getting there. I'm getting better at catching those curve balls.

The days where it seems like everything is going wrong. Or the days where there I'm not feeling good, those are the days I realize how much the little things matter. Because that's what will make my day better. Something small, something so minuscule no one else would even care, but it made my day worth it. Like finding a penny on heads, or getting flowers from kids, or being told I look pretty from a stranger or someone I know on a day I'm not feeling it.

Life's been getting better lately because of the small things and that's all I can say right now. Sure, some days are still bad. But it's becoming less frequent and now I can handle them a little better. I don't just shut down. I deal with it and wait for the next good day. So that's what I have right now. Good days and bad. And I couldn't ask for anything better. At least I'm here.

Love,
Natalie
(This started out as a fictional piece but became a lot more real than I'm willing to admit. So I'll leave it up to you to decide which part is which.)

Five Minute Friday

Today's Topic: Listen

I'm a good listener. I get stuck in my head and lost in my thoughts easily. I don't talk well with strangers. I'm not good at starting up, or holding, conversations with people I don't really know. I'm shy, and it takes a while until I can be comfortable around someone new, but I promise that I can listen.

Need someone to vent to, cry to, or maybe just someone to hear about your day. I can do that. I like to do that. I'm not good at conversation. I much prefer silence, but I love to hear about other people. I like making other people happy. 

Life can get to you sometimes and you need someone to talk to, and I like to listen. I keep my own problems to myself, which I know isn't good, but it's what I do. But if I can help someone else by just listening, then I'll be there. Waiting with open ears and an open heart. I won't judge. Pinky Promise.

Love,

Natalie

6/3/13

This has been one of the most amazing weeks of my summer so far. And yeah, it has just started but that just makes me even more excited for what's to come. It's not like there were these amazing things that happened either but it was just a lot of awesome little things and spending my time with amazing people.

1. I started the week off with work. This week was pretty amazing too. I adore what I do, but sometimes it can get boring just standing around and not having anyone to pass the time with. This week was different and I met tons of kind, lovely people. 
2. I then went to the local farmers market in town. There were so many amazing things there that I would've loved to buy if I had had the money. There were gorgeous flowers, homemade bread, fresh fruit, and homemade honey. I love going to places like that just because of the atmosphere and the fact that everyone is always free to chat if you want to. 
3. Then it as work again for me. This day was also amazing and I got to meet more lovely people and received several hugs from the kids for letting them play with the butterflies. 
4. Then I volunteered at Relay for Life the next night. This is an amazing cause and one I hold in a special place in my heart. When a friend asked me to help her out I decided to go and I definitely don't regret it. I worked at the inflatables and got to meet even more lovely people who are a part of an amazing community. 
5. I woke up the next morning obnoxiously early and left with my youth group to go to The Baptist Children's Home. Which is a "orphanage" type place for kids that is supported by the Baptist church. I adore this place and what they do. We went down for a clean up sort of day and worked in their storage are separating shoes by size etc. This was just a great day of spending time together with people who are what I aspire to be one day. It was inspiring to say the least
6. Then to end the week my cousin, older brother, and I spent last night watching movies and just hanging out. 

It's easy to overlook these things in the long run. Eventually I won't think of these things as anything important, but right now they are and I couldn't be happier about that. I guess it takes time to realize that the little things are what matter. The moments where you stop and think "I'm so glad I'm here doing this right now." even if they aren't what you will always remember.

Love,

Natalie

Nostalgia

Every now and then I'll hear a song on the radio or while I'm listening to my iPod that I haven't heard in a while and I'll get this weird sort of nostalgia. It's like they trigger these memories and these feelings. It's like when I go somewhere I haven't been in a while but it hasn't changed and my memories match up perfectly with the way it is now. It makes me feel safe when this happens. Like no matter what these things will be there to greet me no matter how far away I go.

The fact that I already feel this sort of nostalgia for certain things kind of scares me. I'm sixteen. I shouldn't long for a time when I used to dream about being this old. Maybe that's the difference. Maybe I looked forward too much. Maybe I put too much of an expectation on growing up. Maybe I built up the idea of being older when I was younger because when your young all you want to be is older.

This nostalgia scares me. I don't want to spend my life looking back all the time. But I guess that's a part of life. Being reminded of your past so you can learn and grow. I know things change, that's just life. And pretty soon my memories and pictures will be all I have of this time in my life. A skewed viewpoint, you could say. Showing the good, but never the bad. That's what I find so amazing about our connections we put onto things. Like a song or a movie-- you can g back and listen or watch these things and feel everything you felt when you heard/saw it for the first time. You feel the good and the bad. But to have those constants, even if they seem insignificant to other people and even when your miles away there is something comforting about that. Something that just makes me feel content. Like I always have somewhere to come back to.

Love,
Natalie