5/19/14

1. It'll never feel right to talk about someone you have loved in the past tense. Whether it's family, friends, or lovers.

2. Never let a guy come between you and your best friend. You may love them and think they're the most amazing person in the world, but if they make you drop your friends you've known for your whole life, they aren't good for you.

3. Life is not always kind. You will have years where it seems the world is out to get you. Keep going.

4. You might not always know the right words to say. Sometimes there are no right words. All you can do is hold that person and let them know you're there.

5. Spending nights listening to poetry is not a waste of time. Sometimes it can explain how you're feeling a lot better than you can.

6. You won't always be friends with the people you went to elementary school with. Sometimes the only reason you are friends is because you see each other five days a week.

7. You'll surprise yourself with some of the things you will do when you're given the opportunity. 

8. There are a lot of reasons to keep living. Sometimes it's that tv show you don't want to miss and other times it's because you can't wait to find out what's going to happen in your life next. That's okay. 

9. Thinking about killing yourself and actually doing it aren't the same. But if you ever truly consider it, talk to someone. Because the hurt and loneliness you feel might not be able to be fixed, but knowing there is someone out there who would miss you can save your life.

10. This world is not fair. People will disappear from your life without you realizing. You will be hurt. You may even be broken beyond repair. Some people get dealt a shitty hand and sometimes there is no fixing it.

These are ten things I have learned recently. A lot of them are not pretty. A lot of them are messy and scary and things people don't want to talk about. But life is full of these lessons. Lessons that are ugly and painful, but they leave you changed. You can give up when it gets too hard, but if you do you'll never see it get better. Sometimes that's all that will get you through the day. But it's something and that's all you really need.

Learning these things hasn't been easy. It definitely isn't fun or exciting and it probably never will be. But it's just the way life is and learning that sooner rather than later is best.

I hope you've had a good life and that you've not learned these lessons the hard way. Don't let these facts keep you away from living a full life. Making mistakes and failing is a part of life. It's okay. Keep going. You'll be okay.

Love,
Natalie

5/10/14

Baby I hope that you are brave. I hope that you can live a life that you're proud of. That you can look back at your mistakes and see how they changed you. I hope it's for the better. And my dear I hope that you have someone who will listen. Whether it's about a bad day or something funny you saw online. I hope they sit there and really listen. You're going to need them.

When life gets too hard. When all you want to do is give up. Talk to them. Or just be with them. Be in that moment. Feel their love, their warmth. Know that your problems will pass, that these are the moments you will remember. The times where you were just in that person's presence and how much you love them.

These people are hard to find. If you're lucky the universe will bring you together early in life. But usually it takes time. It takes battles and getting hurt and a lot of tears to find them, but when you find them you'll know. They will fill a hole in your heart you never knew was there. They will be so much like you, but you will see them as so much more.

You will wonder how you got so lucky. How someone as amazing as them would even put up with you. Trust me, they're thinking the same thing. My dear this person will seem unreal to you. You'll think that they're just there until someone better comes along. Don't believe these words. They aren't true.

Just remember that this person also chose you. It might seem crazy, but it's true.

And yeah, things won't always be easy. There will be times where you two don't talk or where you might not see each other for months on end. But that just give you more things to talk about when you are finally able to see each other again.

They may leave. To go off on their next adventure. To start living a life they will be proud of.

You'll always remember them. Baby, when you look back on the memories you made with this person you won't be able to stop smiling. They will leave an imprint on your heart. You will be changed because of them and they will be changed because of you.

My dear these people are special. You will only have a few in your life. Cherish the time you get to spend with them. Be in the moment with them. So you can remember what that love felt like. Be there when they need you. Let them go when they need it. Share pieces of yourself you wouldn't share with anyone else.

Always remember that these people were put into your life for a reason. Baby, you're going to learn so much from them. And you're going to teach them too. Be open to this and you'll be okay.

Love,
Natalie

Endings Aren't Always Happy

Not everyone gets a happy ending. You might not even get a satisfying one. Sometimes it just ends. This world is cruel. It will knock you down again and again, baby. You won't understand it and neither will anyone else. It just has to be accepted.

You're ending might not be what you expected. It might not be meeting your prince and riding off into the sunset. It might not involve you with a family. It might not involve you growing old. But it might. The only way of knowing is to keep living.

It will be messy. This world has been built on heart breaks and sadness my dear. It is not always kind. In fact it's usually painful and hard. I know this isn't what you want to hear. I know it isn't what people usually tell you, but it's true. Your life is going to have a lot more valleys than hills. But my dear those highs are going to get you through the lows. You just have to keep going through the valley until you reach the next hill.

I know you can do it. You've got this baby. You are going to become an expert in this surviving thing pretty soon. I know it may not seem like it at the moment, but you're doing it. Every second you are still here you are surviving. And I am so proud of you for that.

You're going to have to confront the dark parts of your life. They will come at unexpected times. Keep your head up. You will get through it. Pieces of you will shatter during these times. Let it. The light from those broken shards will be able to penetrate the dark. Slowly at first, but it will work. Don't let that fear stop you from living your life.

I know this is scary honey. I know you want to cover your eyes and pretend you never read this. No one wants to hear about the bad parts of life. No one wants you to know that your ending might not be what you've always imagined.

But baby here I am. Writing this for you, for me, for anyone out there who needs to know that this world can suck. But that this world is also pretty great and the only way of learning these two things is to keep living. To see what your plan is.

So here I am pouring my heart onto this blank page. Trying to figure out this life and what it means to me just like you are. I don't know everything and I never will. But baby that's the best part of life. Learning something about yourself or the people around you everyday. It keeps it exciting.

So stay curious. Keep your eyes open and don't let the world make you hard. You'll get far in life myy dear by doing this. And just know that everyone around is trying to figure out this thing we call life too. So you're never alone.

Don't worry about your ending. It will come when the time is right. Until then make the best of what is going on right now. You can do it.

Love,
Natalie