Love Letter To...

A long, hand written, love note. That's something I've always wanted in my life. To receive a love letter telling me all the ways someone loves me. All the ways they think I'm special or important. And maybe one day I will get one, but for now I have these words that I want to share and no one to share them with but you. So here goes nothing.

Late at night I get nostalgic. For things I've never had. Like someone to cuddle with while watching a movie or a someone to hug after a really bad day and know they mean it. Little things like that. Things that seem insignificant, but when you look back mean more than you could ever imagine.

I hope you know that you are this person for me. You make me so happy when you wrap me in your arms or when you sit and listen to me talk about something you couldn't care less about. You make me feel like I matter. And I hope I do that for you too.

Because you do matter, a lot. Everything about you matters. And never let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let people look down on you because you care about something that you have no control over or because you get excited about things the find stupid. You deserve to care about whatever you want and I can only hope that I am one of those things.

Being nostalgic for something that you've never experienced is an odd feeling. It's like you're missing a piece of yourself, and I don't think you ever really feel whole again after that. Because imagining something and it actually happening are two completely different things and they're incomparable.

I'm working on this love thing. But I'm working on myself first. I need to be able to love myself wholeheartedly before I can think about loving you. So wait for me. Wherever you are and know that I'll be there as soon as I can. With open arms and stories to tell.

Love,
Natalie 

Leaving

It had finally come. The day she'd been waiting for since the moment she had entered high school. But now that it was here, she wasn't so excited. She was kind of terrified. Okay, more like extremely terrified.

Leaving had always been hard for her. Whether it was leaving her family to go to camp, leaving her camp friends to go home, or leaving to go on vacation. She was afraid things would change while she was gone. She was afraid life would go on and the people she was leaving would forget her.

That's why she was so terrified of leaving now. Because now she was leaving for good. There was no coming back in a week or a month. This was her final farewell. And maybe that was a bit over dramatic, but she deserved to be sometimes damn it.

Maybe there would be the occasional weekend visit to the parents, but it wouldn't be home anymore as it had been for the last eighteen years of her life. She was now going to be responsible for everything. Paying bills, buying groceries, waking up on time, cleaning the house, all of these had just been done or she had been told to do for the majority of her life and now she was the one making those decisions.

Life has a way of making you see how hard things can be and usually you learn that for yourself the hard way. By messing up. A lot. That's what she was afraid of most. Messing up and not being able to fix it. Because that's what she did. She was a fixer. She knew it would happen one day, but she never really thought about it until she was getting ready to leave because that was when it hit her. She was doing it. She was going to go out in the world and she may screw up. A lot. But she was going to be okay. Or she would be.

She turned to get a look at her childhood house for the last time. Being reminded of all the memories made and all the things that would be missed about it. She smiled and turned back finally feeling like an adult. Her first decision had been made and she was confident about it. Now to just keep going.

(Love,
Natalie)

7/10/13

I don't know if any of you who read this are religious in any way, but tonight at church my youth group was practicing a song for a program we're doing Sunday and I just felt this amazing feeling that I can't really put into words. The best way I can describe it is that I felt completely and totally free. Free of fear, free of anxiety, free of failure, just free. And that's so amazing.

This is the song if you want to listen to it.

Five Minute Friday

Today's Topic: Beautiful

Sunrises and Sunsets, New friends and old, Smiles, Sunshine, Family, Kindness, Love, Faith, Sundresses, Bracelets, The Beach, The Ocean, Animals, Friends that make you smile on bad days, Compliments from strangers, Flowers from kids, Good hugs, Holding hands, Seeing people in love, Being in love, People who listen, Happiness, Strangers becoming friends, New experiences, People, Life, You and me.

Love,
Natalie